Sunday evening

8:12pm. Took the girls swimming at 5:30pm then they came home so they could change clothes. They wanted to the gym so they could workout. We just got back. It was fun to be out of the apartment and do something different on a Sunday night. They want to go with me to workout in the morning. If they don’t make it we can go at night. beats sitting around eating and watching videos.

Friday night

8:13pm on Friday night. In the apartment. Have the sliding glass door open and letting the cool air in. I haven’t done that since the beginning of may. The apartment is cooling down. It feels nice. Watched a little of a movie, talked to my daughter. They are going to come visit on Sunday and stay for the week. I am excited to have a full house again.

Last post

In my office in south Phoenix. 8:12am. I have a call starting in three minutes. But wanted to capture this thought. The last post represented a shift in mindset. The morning walk started with thinking about the WIL and how I can get over her. By the time I got home and sifted through my thoughts it evolved to insight about my relationships, marriage and commitment. 8:28am back from my morning call. The thought I was completing before I left…the other night I woke up after 12am and felt everything could be new. The last post was a perfect example of that. I can change my perspective and not be stuck in old patterns. I want to change. Enjoy life again

Monday

5:37am Monday morning. In my apartment, sitting on the couch. The Temperature outside is 84 degrees. It was a little warm on the walk this morning but It feels nice in the apartment. Usually it is stifling. I don’t run the air conditioning unless I have company. It gets expensive and feels indulgent to do it when I am alone. I am watching the weather, drinking cold water and eating a protein bar. After I went for a walk at 4am I Went to the gym at the apartment complex. I usually have the place to myself early mornings. When I got there the main door was stuck. I used my fob three times but it wouldn’t open. I had to go around to the back entrance. After I washed my hands and got a drink from he drinking fountain I Worked out. I started with push ups. Three sets of ten. After I did push ups I did flies with the Bands hanging from the racks. I try to imagine myself a gymnast doing iron crosses when I do the flies with the bands. Then did triceps with free weights and with the bands. I also stretched out my back on the bench. I feel better when I stretch out my back and abdominal muscles. It feels like they get tight from sitting around all the time. After stretching them out I feel stronger. And leaner. I had a great night last night. In fact last night and this morning were a very peaceful. I seldom say that about Sunday/Monday. I think I have figured out the trick. I just don’t think ahead. About anything. That is why I had a good night. I refused to think ahead. My stress comes from trying to create context. I try to find the perfect scenario if life. I try solve the past, present and future simultaneously. That never works. And it makes me depressed. Today I am staying in the moment. I am not going to depress myself or stress myself out.

Going to a movie

6:15pm Saturday evening. At a movie. First time in over a year. Feels nice to be out m. Also feels kind of reckless. Not many people wearing face coverings. I am with my daughter and her friend. They wanted to come so they could sneak around and go into scary movies. I am just sitting back and trying to relax

Poet

5:48am Friday. This morning on my walk I realized who I am. I am a poet. Not in a romantic sense. Or a professional. Or even good at the craft. Rather if I was left alone, if I had to fill my time, I would sit silently, think and write. That is my default setting. I always knew that. Yet it was difficult to declare. I thought in order to say that I needed to be talented. I needed adoration. I needed to earn money. Today on my walk I accepted I can be who I am.

Little kid

6:22am a part of me wants to be that kid again. The kid that could get lost in following the baseball season. That looked forward to football. The kid that read the newspaper and was transported to different possibilities. I say little kid but I was like that well into my 30’s. Today I wish I was a chaplain. Making a couple visits then parking in the shade, reading the paper, drinking coffee.