7:21pm got in at 4pm. Was tempted to drink. Are a little, laid down briefly. The feeling passed. Did a couple loads of laundry, ironed. Put the decorative license plate in my truck. Got a call from work. Had to run into the office and check something for a nurse. Glad I wasn’t drunk. Going to brush my teeth and go to sleep.

7:17am I don’t mind being in Arizona. Working the job I have. Being busy. I feel fortunate to have the opportunity and mindset.

What is hard for me is the process of reacclimatizing from the weekend do the workweek. Even when there is no pressure the process is exhausting.

7:03am “…I am not really looking for my performance to accomplish anything for the audience because I don’t necessarily do it for them…I just share where I am presently at or what I am going through and hope to bring awareness to something that resonates.”JordiRoc, social activist/dancer. “Bold and Beautiful: JordiRoc” Slugmag.com April 26, 2021

6:31am woke up and went for a walk on a steep hill. Parked in the same spot I did two weeks ago but walked down to the trail head. I couldn’t tell if it was completely closed or opened to pedestrians. I decided to just keep walking down the sidewalk. The hill is incredibly steep. The walk back up taxed my legs, heart and lungs. That is good. I need more cardio.

A lot of thoughts in my head. Nothing deep or profound. I need to keep my time occupied so I don’t slip into bad habits. I can’t control things so I just stress myself trying.

Last night when I was falling asleep I thought about thinking. I “think” in words. But I don’t see them. I don’t hear them. I experience them through a sense beyond any of the five senses. Am I producing those words? They are what I am typing now. Words are coming from someplace inside me. I am producing a record of them. It is fragmented. Incomplete. But that is what the past 100+ days have been about. Working under the assumption the “word source” needs to be mined for content. That it needs to be pulled into the world and translated in a way that other people can experience it through the known sense of seeing or hearing. That they can feel something because they experienced these words. That perhaps it stirs something in them to mine their own word source. And they are compelled to share.

9:07pm took daughter and friend to outdoor mall. Then back to the other mall. Then had sushi for dinner. Long but fun day. Now back at wife and daughters house. Going to watch movies. Fall asleep and call it a day.

4:15pm went to one mall with my daughter. Picking up a friend. Going to another mall to get clothes. It is fun to be busy. To see my daughter excited. We have a good time hanging out. Pizza for lunch, a couple stores. Some dessert. Ready for round two…

8:32am made it to palm desert. Stopped to use the bathroom. Get gas. Rest. Still two hours to go.

5:29am Got out of the house an hour ago. Stopped for coffee (and donuts) heading to Dana point.

7:39pm Talked with my daughter for half an hour tonight. Her and my wife were driving to get food. She was in a good mood. Called my mom. Today was the last day I spent with my brother before he died five years ago tomorrow. We had a good day. Drove to park city, ate pizza. Played games we liked the last night. It is a great last memory of him.

I got my first clothes subscription box. I like it a lot more than I thought I would. They sent two shirts, pants, a belt and shoes. They still haven’t told me a price so I am a little leery. But I like having a curated “outfit” I wouldn’t have bought myself

Going to go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day. Drive to California. Go out with my daughter then pick up one of her friends and go out again!

7:21am I have a lot of employees who don’t want to work. The site had a reputation for being easy money. I am changing the culture. I am dialed in. I can see success. Expansion. But I am sympathetic. For almost thirteen years I had trouble focusing. Balancing work and life. 9 jobs in 9 years. I am at the point where I can work and thrive. I am living my moment