April 3, 2024, Wednesday evening, 6:19pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. Drove back from wyoming today. Left mom’s at 3:55am pacific standard time and arrived in Aliso Viejo to drop off my daughter and the dog at 4:30pm. I walked in the door of my house at 5:30pm and called mom to let her know we were safe. Now I am starting to unwind. I can feel the tension leaving my shoulders as I watch the weather, eat pizza and drink a beer.

April 2, 2024, Tuesday evening, 5:48pm, mountain standard time, mom’s condo in Evanston, Wyoming, USA. Saw my old Chaplain job in Ogden, Utah is open. It is listed as part time. There is also a part time job in Salt Lake City and a full time position in Utah County. Seeing the job openings opened up new possibilities in my mind. For the first time I see a clear path forward to working as a chaplain and slowing down professionally. I could live in Evanston with no house payment and travel to Utah three or four days a week. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it is definitely feasible. That realization reduced my anxiety considerably. Seeing a different path makes current choices seem arbitrary more than necessary. For that I am eternally thankful.

April 1, 2024, Monday night, 8:31pm, mountain standard time, mom’s condo in Evanston, Wyoming, USA. Drove down to Salt Lake City this afternoon. Went to Costco then met my niece for dinner at PF Chang’s. Afterwards we walked around the mall and visited a novelty shop. My niece got some earrings and a necklace. My daughter bought a sweatshirt, some shorts and a top. It was a fun day. Looks like the weather is finally breaking after a couple of storms passed through. We should have a clear drive home on Wednesday.

March 31, 2024, Sunday afternoon, 3:03pm, mountain standard time, mom’s house in Evanston, Wyoming, USA. Easter Sunday. It has been a slow day . We have all be tired from the long drive yesterday. I got up and took the dog for a short walk, got gas for the car and picked up some coffee. This afternoon I took my daughter to grab lunch. Now we are going to drive to Park City for an early dinner. It snowed a little this morning but the sun has come out and melted most of the snow.

March 30, 2024, Saturday night, 9:51pm, mountain standard time, mom’s condo in Evanston, Wyoming, USA. My daughter, the dog and I left Aliso Viejo for Wyoming at 4:45am. It was raining hard as we got on the road. We stopped in Barstow to use the bathroom and get breakfast. When we got to Las Vegas we went to the M&M Store. My daughter got personalized M&M’s and pens to give to friends. It rained most of the trip and snowed when we arrived in Wyoming. All three of us are exhausted. I am making my daughter some dinner then going to sleep.

March 29, 2024, Friday night, 7:55pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California,USA. Last day before vacation. Tomorrow my daughter, her dog and I leave for Wyoming to visit my mom. We are trying to get an early start because it is a long drive and the forecast mentions rain. I am not sure we will be out the door on time for a number of reason. My daughter hasn’t packed and there is a lot of stuff left to load into the car. But it really doesn’t matter. We are making the trip to have fun. If we get out late and need to stay over somewhere then so be it. I am not going to ruin this weekend by stressing over something so trivial.

March 28, 2024, Thursday evening, 6:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California,USA. This evening my daughter’s mom mentioned an old friend texted her today. She is the mother of my daughter’s recent best friend. Sadly, they have grown apart since starting high school at different locations. Because of their friendship we would spend a lot of time together as families, including Easter picnics the past two years. This Sunday we will all be out of town and the weather is forecasted to be stormy so, no picnic this go round. Despite the uncontrollable circumstances I feel a little sad. I enjoyed the time we spent with them and looked forward to the picnics. Perhaps next year we can rejoin the celebration and honor tradition once again.

March 27, 2024, Wednesday night, 6:49pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California,9. Meeting, meetings and more meetings. That was the theme of the day. First, I was awoken early by a triage call for our San Diego branch. It was just early enough to disrupt my sleep but too late to go back to bed. Then I got ready for work and took my daughter to school. I did have a moment of appreciation about being a part of the collective workday when I passed a county bus. Funny how valuable those experiences are. I kept saying it was better than found money. After dropping my daughter off at 8:30am I drove to the office park in Irvine for my 9am call. Then I drove to Corona while on a 10am call. Had my eleven am call in a medical building parking lot. Did a 12pm lunch with a potential doctor candidate. Attended my 1pm call on the road back to Orange County. Sat at Starbucks for two hours and answered emails. Got on a meeting at 3:20pm then picked my daughter up at five. I am exhausted. I don’t want to see one more email or get on another meeting for a long time. Or at least until tomorrow.

March 26, 2024, Tuesday night, 7:18pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. I Worked from home today. The first half of the day I didn’t have any meetings. All the free time made me anxious. Things did pick up in the afternoon after our weekly area call but there are a lot of frayed nerves among the branch directors. I am not sure what is going on. It seems the whole world is on edge right now. Everyone is grouchy and angry. I joked with one of the directors about Mars the “angry” planet being close to earth. I don’t know astrology but it sounded about right. At least she laughed and reminded me Mars is also the place you go to get candy bars. That made me smile. I hadn’t heard that rhyme in ages.

March 25, 2024, Monday night, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. Today was the first day I really thought about if I want this job to be my legacy. I have enjoyed it but I am grinding through frustration to get a paycheck. There has to be something more to life. The problem is I can’t figure out what. I look back on my time in Phoenix and I appreciate getting through 15 months of work, the subsequent 3 months looking for a new gig and finally the seven months working for this company while still having my place in Chandler. It is a tidy narrative I reflect on fondly. But if I never stop grinding I can never reflect. And if I do stop grinding what is the consequence? Gearing back up and doing it again for a different brand? I am dammed either way. Sometimes the best I can hope for is deeper clarity somewhere down the line. Either because it was forced upon me or it was there all along and I just needed the right mindset to see it.