October 4, 2023, Wednesday evening, 6:06pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. Had down time at work today, which is rare. I am no longer the interim director in Bakersfield so I don’t do a lot of the day to day stuff. Not that I minded. It was nice to be bored. I am feeling a little tired tonight. Went to urgent care last night and found out I have an infection. I got antibiotics and started taking them right away. I feel better. Not sure if it is the medicine or wishful thinking. I will see how the week goes.

October 3, 2023, Tuesday morning, 6:35am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. I am in the same situation I was a year and a half ago with my pervious job. The posts I write now sound similar to the ones I wrote in April of last year. Which makes for an interesting observation. My interaction with the role of hospice operations is a certain way no matter what job I have (this is my third, actually fourth). The same is true of being a chaplain, a sales manager or a sales person. Each of those periods in life held multiple positions and each was similar in experience. I realize going back to being a chaplain is rehashing a past already lived. If I don’t want to do operations any more that is fine but the path must be forward, not back. I don’t need to revisit questions that have already been answered.

October 2, 2023, Monday evening, 6:38pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. The mock survey started in Palm Desert today. They started with employee files. Lots of issues uncovered, which isn’t surprising. The biggest issue is time. The branch needs resources to catch up. Hopefully the results of the survey will spur action. On another note, I interviewed and hired a nurse for Palm Desert. He will be a good addition. I anticipate it will be the largest California branch by the end of next year.

October 1, 2023, Sunday night, 8:55pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. Another good day coming to Palm Desert early. I don’t like cutting weekends short but driving on off days is relaxing. And being in Palm Desert Sunday afternoon is nice. It was a day of perfect balance. All people and places right where they ought to be. So often I spend time wishing I was somewhere else, doing something different. But this afternoon I was content to be exactly where I was. What a rare gift.

September 30, 2023, Saturday night, 8:06pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning, then did laundry. I didn’t hear from my daughter until noon when her mom took her to get “breakfast.” I got a haircut then drove to Aliso Viejo to walk the dog but it started raining so I went grocery schooling instead, watched a movie and hung out in Dana Point all day. The Ohana festival is going on in Dana Point this weekend. Lots of traffic and energy. Everyone seems happy, even with inclement weather.

September 29, 2023, Friday night, 7:36pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Was able to walk and workout this morning before going to Aliso Viejo to spend the day with my daughter. She didn’t feel well enough to go to school but seems better now. That’s not really surprising. I am sure she had something going on, not sure it warranted missing a week of school. Oh well, I could be sterner with her but I didn’t feel like going to work either. After morning calls we grabbed breakfast and a little later, lunch. Otherwise we stayed home. It was overcast today. Not inspiring weather at all. I went and got a blood test around noon. I hope the results are favorable. I am tired of having to get them. I need to take better care of myself and not be so cavalier with my choices.

September 28, 2023, Thursday night, 9:21pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Slept in after a long night. Lots of patient issues in Bakersfield to address. I missed my walk and workout this morning. Headed to Aliso Viejo to spend the day with my daughter while her mom attended work meetings. My daughter stayed home from school because she wasn’t feeling well. I understand. I don’t feel well either. Tomorrow I am going to get blood drawn for testing, see what the issues are. I am also going to get up early to walk and workout before spending the day with my daughter again.

September 27, 2023, Wednesday morning, 7:09, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California, USA. Looking back on posts from the same time frame of my previous job (14 months in). They are similar. Like, exactly. I could have written them this week. It is disheartening to see no personal growth. I am burned out, overwhelmed, depressed and day dreaming about escape. I really thought this job would be different. But then again, when I was applying for jobs last summer I knew 15 months was probably the longest I could stick around. Hospice operations director is a relentlessly demanding position. I am not an outlier. Most people only make it this long.

September 26, 2023, Tuesday night, 7:12pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. I came back to the hotel room at 10:30am and didn’t go back to the office. Part of the reason was physical, I feel a little off. But another part was mental. I finally reached a point of shutting down. Preparing for the mock survey next week on top of everything else is just too exhausting. I am curious what the near future holds. For the first seven months of this job I was dialed in. The last six months have been a grind. I will keep working hard but I am glad the grind is over. That was exhausting.

September 25, 2023, Monday evening, 6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. Today felt rough. It seems every morning gets more difficult to rally. I guess there is no other option than to keep plugging away. I found out the mock survey for Palm Desert is next week. There is a lot to do and not much time to pull it together. That is why we have a mock survey. To find out what needs to be fixed. The real one won’t happen until January. That gives us time to correct issues. It is going to be next couple of months.