Category: Work

Wednesday

9:35am Wednesday morning. The next morning I got an email from a former client. She was effusive, and quite pleasant, with her praise for our service. Despite worries (we were short staffed), she was pleased with the attention offered her family. She said she wanted to donate to the general fund and was inquiring how to do so. She had no doubt the money would go to a good cause and help families in need. I provided the information and thanked her for the generous offer.

Coffee

8:35am Thursday. On my way down the hill, just before work, I ran into Tara, a social worker on staff. It was fortuitous we met. I had papers she needed to sign. She said she was running late but would catch up with me at 8:30. A short time later she texted to tell me it would be closer to 9. Then 9:15am. For the most part she isn’t very punctual; or reliable. But she is friendly and I enjoy talking with her. Besides, finding social workers of any caliber can be challenging.

The Auditor

6:08am Thursday morning. At that point the auditor came in. It had been rumored she was difficult to get along with and not very well liked. But when you talk with her she appears pleasant and accommodating. She singled me out because I was the director. I listened to what she had to say and dutifully answered her questions. I found her pleasant enough and had no reason to question her sincerity. Her name was Joyce. She wore a black silk face covering over her mouth and nose, which made me notice her hazel eyes and red hair. She had on a green pant suit and was pulling a computer bag behind her. After getting seated in the conference room she began to set up her computer for the audit.

Wednesday night

8:08pm Wednesday night. I was distracted at work today. The morning dragged so I went home and took a nap for a couple hours. When I returned I had messages waiting for me. That got me focused. I worked hard all afternoon and came home exhausted, yet happy. I had been productive. I ate dinner and watched a movie before going to bed.

Sunday evening

6:14pm Sunday evening, Arizona. Then I realized a truth. All my stress, all my sadness initiated from doubt. Doubt I was worth loving, doubt I could complete a work assignment, doubt I could win a competition. Doubt weighed me down like an anchor pulling my happiness to the abyss. I had always dealt with stress by trying to run away. When I couldn’t figure out how to escape I felt more stress. The answer was to not run away. To not doubt. Only I could choose to be confident in the face of adversity. Vanquish doubt and remove stress.

Thursday night

7:44pm Thursday night. I became a chaplain again. Getting ready for survey. One of the staff chaplains is on leave. To have back up coverage i will add the chaplain job description and competencies to my personnel file. And just like that I have a job as a prn chaplain. Just like that I can update my resume. Just like that I can get out of the fucking hell I have been in for over a decade.

Tuesday

5:31am Tuesday morning. I ate lunch early then went home to rest. Driving back I turned the radio on. Noisy trucks filled the busy roads. The receptionist handed me three messages when I walked in. I sat down down at my desk and spent an hour making calls. Then I worked on a report the rest of the afternoon. It was almost six when I left the office and returned home.