Category: Work

Morning

7:43am At the top of the hill we turned left. Our path became narrow and uneven with low hanging branches overhead.The dog pulled her lead so I took in the slack. Stillness enveloped us. The only sounds were those I created; keys jangling in my pocket, water sloshing rhythmically in the bottle, the sound of my own breathing. For a moment the sun peeked out from behind the marine layer. The air instantly felt thick. I absently wished for a breeze or another cloud. Luckily both arrived. Then my thoughts turned to work. I decided a job can define limits on time and freedom like bars in a prison cell. That work can appear like an unnecessary construct that robs us of peace. Yet without those limits what would we truly do? It is easy to believe the lack of freedom keeps one from finding peace. But perhaps that is misdirection. The surrender of freedom to a job hides the inability to find peace rather than causes it.

Wednesday morning

5:39am What did I do? I use this blog to share how I felt. It is a journal then. But what did I do? Who did I interact with? Yesterday I got to work a little late. The two girls who work down the hall were laughing. I made a cup of coffee and went through my emails. There was no call in the morning because we had our bi-weekly meeting where the staff come in to go over patients. The meeting started at 9am and got over with around 10am. After the meeting I met with the nurses to go over new assignments and update on our hiring process. At 10:30am I got on a group call for the communities on the west side then had my call with the supervisor. The call went well. Afterwards we got two referrals. I felt better. Getting referrals and admitting patients is how we stay in business. Around ten pm last night the admitting nurse sent me a text saying she did not admit the patient. I am frustrated. We are not a good hospice. We are not helpful or easy to work with. We do not provide value. We are like the beggars on the freeway exit, asking for consideration out of pity. I talked with my lead clinical nurse. She is always apprehensive to admit patients. Our approach does not work and our business is failing. I am not proud that this site is a reflection of me as a leader.

Monday morning

5:42am you went for a walk this morning. A little bit later than usual. You got a phone call on your work phone at 2:19am. It was the triage nurse. She went to see a patient who was complaining of discomfort. The nurse could not get a hold of the on call doctor to obtain orders for stronger pain medication. She had tried two other doctors. No one had called her back. It had only been twenty minutes. She wanted to leave the community. She explained there was not much she could do without a doctors order. I told her that was fine and to please explain the situation to the staff and to assure them a nurse would follow up later in the morning. I doubt she told them. She is not a very good nurse. She only does the bare minimum and complains the whole time. The doctor is a good doctor but only takes call to make the monthly paycheck. He has too many other interests to effectively take call. This whole site is filled with people just doing the bare minimum, getting by, here for the money. I am ashamed I am the director. Not because I created the situation but because I have failed to change it.

Monday morning

5:49am in the apartment, on the couch. Sipping coffee and watching the weather. The temperature is supposed to be high this week. I like the cooler air. I would rather wear a jacket. I live in the wrong place. I am thinking about change. Do I want to change work? One factor to consider is pay. The job in Denver says the rate they are starting at is 10% higher than my salary now. a higher pay check would alleviate pressure. I ran through a lot of retirement and savings in Orange County. I incurred debt. While I have made more money since switching to operations I am getting by, not getting ahead. A raise in pay could change my circumstances.

Sunday night

8:18pm I am in a resentful mood. I have been at this job for six months. Things should be settling in. Instead I am dealing with constant upheaval. That creates a battle inside me. half of me wants to do what I always do. own the failure. Blame myself. The other half refuses to take blame. That half of me is pissed this situation was so bad to begin with. I like the latter half of me. I will not take the blame for this garbage heap.

Sunday morning

8:37am I only did one post yesterday. I was getting tired of the subject matter. I feel like all I can think about or write about is work. A couple thoughts were bouncing around in my head but I didn’t want to take the time to share them. Last week I transitioned the director of business operations over to sales. I am not back filling his position right away. That means I have to do many of the business office functions. I will either learn responsibility quickly or fail spectacularly