Frustrated with team

5:47am after a good start to the week I had an anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t associated any event. I just went to work after lunch and was in a terrible mood. I don’t want to own negative energy. I am frustrated with the performance of my team. As a leader I need to improve their performance or replace them. I am not doing my job by allowing it to continue

First time

1:43am this is my first time truly leading a hospice operation. I have been around hospice for over 20 years. I have been a director before. I am know what it takes to be successful. What good care looks like. but this is the first time I am in control. When I was the chaplain or in sales I didn’t control clinical services. The first time I was a director I wasn’t engaged. The second time I didn’t have time to get settled. I am in control. I expect excellence from people who represent me. I do not give up.

The narrative

Looking back on my posts I can see the narrative I am writing (living). How I choose to frame the situation, the observations I am making and how I interpret events.

Am I walking a path of a thousand miles or am I futilely going around in circles?

My pattern of behavior has been consistent for decades. I have been in lows before and and have hit many highs.

I am in a low right now.

And it feels like it will never end.

It is self pity but I wish my consistent pattern was a little more productive. Or stable. Or this low would end.