Tag: apartment

Family left

6:56am my family left Arizona to go back to Orange County. They got on the road at 5am. I went for a walk after they pulled out. Then I went and worked out, came back to the apartment, made a cup of coffee and cleaned up a little. I miss having them here. There is the feeling of two apartments. When they are here the apartment is filled with energy, bodies and stuff. The girls are playing games, watching videos and ready for adventure. When they are gone the apartment is empty, quiet and depressing.

Midnight

12:05am Saturday night/Sunday morning. I am in my apartment. I can’t sleep. I was awakened by a strange noise. an intermittent plastic clicking sound. I assumed it was the blinds hitting each other in the dining room because I had left the fans on to circulate the air. That had to be it. the blinds were swaying in the draft made by the fans. They were knocking against each other and making a noise. I got up and turned off all the fans. But the noise continued. I was perplexed and a annoyed. What was making that noise? I walked around the apartment trying to locate the source. I went into the living room, the dining room and the kitchen but couldn’t identify what was causing it. I wanted to give up but it was nagging me. Finally I realized The sound wasn’t coming from outside the bedroom. It was coming from inside the bedroom. Something in my room was making the sound. I followed the noise until I found the source. It was in the hallway/closet area leading to the master bath. A distinct clicking sound. Once I discovered the source I realized that wasn’t the only sound. there was another noise. The sound of an animal scurrying. My adrenaline started to flow. What was it? Did I have mice, rats or something else in my closet? What should I do? Should I call an exterminator? Should I take care of it myself? Was it dangerous? Rabid? Did I have the means to kill it? My mind raced. I couldn’t formulate a plan or figure out what to do. Then I heard the noise again. It wasn’t coming from the closet. It was coming from the light fixture in the hallway. The clicking sound followed by the scurrying. I stared at the light for a minute or two. What was it? Something trapped in the ceiling? In the wall? I couldn’t decide what to do. Finally I flipped the light switch on to see better. When I did that I could see the problem. It wasn’t an animal caught in my ceiling. It was a bug. A giant bug. A giant bug trapped in the fixture trying to get out. It looks like a cockroach. It is big enough to make a loud noise as it hits the cover. I am relived I found the source. Now what do I do? I don’t like the noise but I don’t really want to remove the cover, unleash a cockroach in my bedroom and try to hunt it down. I will just make it through the night and assess the situation in the morning. Though I have a feeling I will be sleeping uneasy and having dreams about bugs.

Surreal

3:32pm the family being gone and back in Orange County makes today feel surreal. Like time opened up and offered a different reality. I had been here alone for months.When they were here it was a new experience. The apartment felt more comfortable, work felt less consuming. Now they have left. I washed the sheets and cleaned the counters. everything is back to how it was before they came.

Family left

6:29am my family has packed up and left. Now the apartment is quiet. Uncluttered. The quiet isn’t better. But it isn’t worse. It is just a different way to live. What is the best way to live? The easy answer is surrounded by people. Engaged in relationships. Part of a group. But that isn’t always the case. There is value in being alone. Taking time to explore the inner world. Personally, solitude restores my spirit. When I am with my wife and daughter I feel swirling chaos. Particularly with my wife. Her parenting style is frenetic. Being with her makes me feel overwhelmed. Helpless. Frustrated. That is who she is, how she parents. I accept it but I look forward to a time when my daughter is older. When we can spend more time together. She will reach a point where she wants to explore the world. I want to give her the opportunity to do that. I think my wife has more interest in keeping her vulnerable.