8:31am, pacific standard time, parking lot of of a grocery store in Phoenix, Arizona, USA, Friday morning, May 13, 2022. Yesterday was not fun. Three employees were let go; two office staff, one field clinician. As for me, I was given three options; stay at the current site while accepting a significant cut in salary and title, explore other executive positions with the company out of state or, take a severance package and look for employment elsewhere. I said I needed a day to think about it but I already knew what I was going to do. I will accept the severance and find a new job in Southern California.
Tag: Arizona
Layoffs
5:42, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Thursday morning, May 12, 2022. Since this past weekend I have felt a unique sense of peace. Ironically, it is because I half-thought I would lose my job on Monday. The worksite has not been doing well for some time and, as the leader, responsibility ultimately falls on me. Hence, the stress of being relieved of my position is ever constant. To protect my psyche I began cataloguing possible benefits of not working; I could enjoy the trip back to Utah/Wyoming with my mom tomorrow, appreciate a relaxing week in Arizona when I return, then travel to Orange County, spend time with my daughter, and not rush back to a dreaded Monday. Those thoughts have buoyed me through the week. But, yesterday after work, the regional supervisor texted me and said she would be in the office this morning at 9am to layoff staff. I honestly don’t know if I will be one of the casualties. Either way, If I am let go or not, people I have worked with for over a year will lose their jobs today. And there is no amount of mental gymnastics I can do to make that situation feel good.
San Diego update
5:21am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Wednesday morning, May 11, 2022. Yesterday was the second interview for the job in San Diego; this time with the hiring manager. Our conversation was engaging, lasting longer than the time allotted for the call; which is typically a good sign. He told me I would advance to the next round and that a recruiter would be reaching out for appointment times. At this point, there are likely four interviews to go; perhaps fewer, if some are done as a group or in panel format. Depending on their urgency and desire to fill the position quickly, I should know a definitive outcome by the end of next week.
Overcoming the fallout
As an adult, I never had debt (except for car and house payments) until the summer 2017. At that point, with a significant amount of money saved up, I quit my corporate job and started a business from home. At first, the decision was exhilarating; I woke up every morning driven by purpose and peered into a future with endless possibility. There was no doubt in my mind; financial independence and peaceful days spent at the beach were just around the corner. But, before long, revenue stagnated and expenses increased. By the end of year one all my cash had run out. To stay afloat I dipped into long held CD’s and mutual funds; not just to support the business, but to cover basic household expenses, like rent and groceries. When that money was gone I took a chunk out of retirement before resorting to unsecured loans and credit card debt. By the time I went back to work I was broke with no savings and over $75,000 in debt. For the past year and a half I have worked to bring that sum under control. There is still a large amount to be paid back but, I am proud to say, it is considerably smaller, and I can see the path out. Ironically, the lesson learned was not achieving financial acumen by growing a successful business but rather, learning how to deal with money by overcoming the fallout of a failed one.
Monday after Mother’s Day
5:24am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Monday morning, May 9, 2022. Yesterday was fun. We drove to Tucson in the morning, traveled around the city a little and looked for a place to eat. Most of the restaurants were crowded on account of it being Mother’s Day weekend so we decided to go back to the apartment and have leftovers. In the afternoon we went for a short walk, watched a movie and ate ice cream. Overall it was a pretty good day. On a different note, big changes are occurring at work. I am adopting a one day at a time approach, not only to the current situation but to what may come in the future.
Mother’s Day 2022
7:35am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Sunday morning, May 8, 2022. Thinking about driving south today. My mom mentioned she wanted to visit Tucson. That wouldn’t be a bad way to celebrate Mother’s Day. Go for a drive, get something to eat, come home and take a nap. I ordered her a new electronic tablet as a Mother’s Day gift. It should come early next week. She will enjoy that more than anything else I could get her. It will be from the whole family because it is a little more expensive.
Saturday
7:50pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Saturday night, May 7, 2022. It has been a good weekend. We went out to eat for lunch, walked around the mall and bought a couple of things at the electronics store. Tonight we got pizza and watched some sitcoms and a documentary. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday.
Vacillate
5:21am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Friday morning, May 6, 2022. The interview for the Director position in San Diego, California went fine yesterday, just a preliminary phone screen to discuss qualifications and work history. I will know more next week. In the meantime my chaplain endorsement is falling into place. One more colleague needs to complete a reference letter. Once that is done I will have an interview with the governing board and be submitted as a candidate. I constantly vacillate between my stressful, yet lucrative, career path and returning to being a Chaplain.
Excited about the possibility
5:29am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Thursday morning, May 5, 2022. At 11am a recruiter is calling me in regards to a job opening in San Diego, California. It would be a lateral move but, things in Phoenix have been stagnate for a while and aren’t getting better any time soon. I am excited about the possibility of taking on a new challenge. A change in scenery can be very reinvigorating.
The end of guilt
5:31am, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Wednesday morning, May 4, 2022. Feeling guilty is a constant companion in my life. Many times, I experience guilt without knowing a single reason why. In those incidences, when I am out in the emotional cold so to speak, my mind searches for the cause of my culpability, with no result being too absurd: a long misremembered childhood incident, calling a co-worker by the wrong name or a fumbled exchange in the grocery store line. All of them silly thoughts that serve no purpose other than to create a moment of internal embarrassment that is quickly forgotten. But there are other times the cause and effect of guilt is more severe; a missed opportunity to hug a lost loved one, failing to arrive on time for an important milestone as a parent or breaking the solemn vows of marriage. In those instances the internal emotion of guilt is often profound and lasts much longer. Yet, regardless of the reason the common theme in both those cases are the guilt emanates from inside. I can no longer be in a relationship where the other person deliberately tries to make me feel guilty. Life is hard enough without someone conspiring to bring me down. Nobody deserves that. I can feel guilty enough all on my own.