Tag: Arizona

January 12

3:23pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Wednesday afternoon, January 12, 2022. A year ago today I started writing this blog in present form. I had been laid off from my job, my family had moved out and I felt terribly isolated. There were so many unanswered questions swirling in my mind: Where would I find work? How would I pay my bills? Where would I live? Who cared about me as a person? Some of those questions have been answered, some still unresolved. Regardless, I am in a better place than I was last year and being able to look back gives me appreciation for where I am and what I went through.

Fast day

3:53pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Monday afternoon, January 10, 2022. First day of three week training/preparation to integrate with our new company. The training was boring but tolerable, while the day sped by. Or at least it seemed to go faster. Regardless, Monday is almost over and I couldn’t be happier.

Friday, January 7, 2022

2:19pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Friday afternoon, January 7, 2022. Monday is the beginning of our big integration at work. All of our back office and clinical functions will change. It is going to be intense; for three weeks we are going to migrate records, move systems and learn new software. I am ready to get started because it has been stressful preparing. I feel run down and we haven’t even started yet!

Less Anxiety

3:28pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Thursday afternoon, January 6, 2022. I am surprised my mental state continues to be good. It is rare I appreciate what I am going through rather than constantly looking ahead. Over the past decade most of my distress came from unrealistic expectations; the women I would love, the job I would have, the amount money I would make. Now, my expectations are tempered, and so is my anxiety.

Memories from a year ago

6:17am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, January 3, 2022. A year ago (Monday January 4th) I walked into work and was greeted at the door by the HR director. She informed me I had been laid off; No warning, no advance knowledge, not even a hint. I was the Executive Director in charge while the CEO took an extended sabbatical. When he got back I was no longer needed. For three months I navigated the site through an office move, staffing issues, billing concerns, clinical leadership changes and the pandemic resurgence. Then I was let go. Finically I was in a terrible position, I couldn’t afford rent and had no job prospects in Orange County. I expanded my search area and that is how I ended up in Arizona. Despite the start to the year I look back on 2021 as mostly good. I am proud of how the year turned out. I miss being close to my daughter but the change in perspective did me good. Now I want to take this adventure, wrap it up, hold onto the memories and get back to my life in Orange County.

Sunday Afternoon, January 2, 2022

3:33pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, January 2, 2022. I woke up late this morning, which meant not going for a walk or working out because I had to drive to the office and enter payroll before 10am. I finished early and was out of there before 9. Other than that I haven’t been productive today at all. The family left yesterday at 2pm. We went shopping and grabbed lunch before they got on the road. They arrived in Orange County at 8pm pacific time which meant I was already asleep by the time my daughter texted to let me know. I took down the apartment’s Christmas decorations last evening. Perhaps that was a mistake. Now the place looks as empty as it feels. The post-holiday let down coupled with everyone leaving is depressing. Vacation is over, spending time with my family has past and I am feeling very alone right now.

New Years Day

9:16am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday, January 01, 2022, New Years Day. My family goes back to Orange County today. They planned on leaving at nine but are still asleep. I don’t blame them, we are all tired from staying up late last night. The dog and I went for a walk at six, then drove down the block to fill the car with gas before having coffee and breakfast. I feel weird right now; emotionally indifferent, with no ambition. What do I look forward to this coming year? There is no overarching plan, and that makes me nervous.