Tag: Arizona

Last day of the year

&:11am, lying in bed, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, December 31, 2021, New Year’s Eve. It was raining when the dog and I left for our walk so we spent the morning watching television and working out. It is New Year’s Eve, the last day of the year. I feel anxious and trapped. What is going to happen in 2022? So much energy was expended getting through this year but nothing really changed. I will go to work on Monday as usual. The calendar will say a new month, a new year, but does it matter? My wife negotiated a better position and salary with her organization. “One more year,” she said. Then what? Do the years keep piling up? Do we endure this year so we can get to the next and be thankful we survived? Do we look back and appreciate the journey or do we mourn a time lost forever? We are getting older, eventually the years will pass and we will no longer exist. How do we make the most of the time we have left?

Taking the day off

6:15am, in my apartment living room in Chandler, Arizona, sitting on the couch, watching the weather, Thursday morning, December 30, 2021. The morning feels cozy. My wife and daughter are sleeping, the dog is on the couch next to me and we are watching the weather. Yesterday I told the regional VP my family was in town. She told me to relax and suggested I spend time with them. I appreciated that. She makes me feel valued. I want to work hard for my own success but to also to repay the support she gives me. We do not have definitive plans for the day, but we did reserve the apartment complex theater tonight. We are going to buy snacks and watch a movie together.

Notes from today

2:37pm, Chandler, Arizona, Monday afternoon, December 27, 2021, in my apartment, sitting on the couch. I came home at noon, took the dog out, went to lunch with my daughter then came home. We worked on a model, watched television and talked. My wife asked about plans for next year and if I was renewing the lease. I told her it was still up in the air. 3:11pm, I woke up from a quick nap. We are planning to go shopping this afternoon/evening. I feel guilty not being at work but need a break at the same time. 6:40pm This afternoon I worked on the model some more then went to the store with my mom to return some items. On the way home we picked up pizza. I am thankful I spent the day at home but still having trouble disengaging from work.

Morning, Monday December 27, 2021

8:41am, in my office, Phoenix, AZ, Monday morning, December 27, 2021. The apartment is filled with people so I am happy. It is different waking up to a full house. When they are here life is peaceful. I get up later, take the dog for a walk and enjoy the morning sunrise. I wish everyday could be this simple. Mom flies home tomorrow, which makes me sad. I miss having her here when she is gone. Everyone else is staying until New Year’s Day, then it is back to the usual emptiness. The patient from the weekend is still at the hospital and we had another patient transfer. I am frustrated at work. I feel the results do not match the effort we are giving.

On call tonight

12:06am, in my apartment in Chandler, Arizona, lying in bed, early morning December 24, 2021, Christmas Eve. The nurse working on call tonight had her car breakdown this morning. I offered to drive if she needed to go out. At 8:30pm two calls came in, a visit and a death call, both in the west valley. I just got back home. My mom and I will soon leave for Christmas in California, though a big storm is in Orange County and headed this way.

The WIL’s Birthday

8:50am, sitting in my truck outside my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, December 23, 2021, two days before Christmas. I left my phone on the bed when I went to work this morning so I had to drive home to get it because the corporate security system won’t allow access to email without using two-step verification. I wasn’t upset I had to make the extra trip, the office is kind of boring right now. Today is the WIL’s birthday, which gives me mixed emotions. On one hand I am thinking about of her and everything we shared over the years. However, her birthday wasn’t typically a day we got to spend together since she often had plans with family and friends. I feel a million miles away from her right now. That breaks my heart because I miss her terribly, yet if I am honest, I am thankful for the reprieve.

Running errands

5pm, parking lot in chandler, Arizona, Wednesday evening, December 22, 2021, three days until Christmas. My mom wanted to go to the wholesale outlet to buy water, paper towels and a bag of chocolate candy. It wasn’t too crowded but, as we were leaving, my wife texted, suggesting we pick up snacks for Christmas Eve. I am in the car waiting while my mom goes back in.