6:44pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Friday evening, April 1, 2022. Like most people, I have kept a running dialogue in my head with an imaginary audience since I was old enough to remember. Over the years that audience has consisted of many different entities; a vaguely defined cluster of friends, a camera crew, even God. It was cathartic believing someone, or something, cared about my most inner thoughts. After all, very few people have the time to listen, or regard, what others say. Consequently, to truly feel known, I didn’t see much recourse other than creating an eager fan base, imagined or otherwise. That started to change over the last couple of weeks. Writing consistently has alleviated my soul’s lonely drowning sensation and the need to concoct acceptance. My imaginary audience is disappearing. I am known (on some small level, but known nonetheless) through taking the time to write this post and share it with you.
Tag: audience
Audience
5:49am the way I post and what I share differs greatly depending on the audience I imagine as I write. Sometimes I write for my future self. Other times I write for strangers. Sometimes The WIL. Lately I have been picturing my wife and daughter finding this blog now or after I die. I believe the posts are most real and honest when I selfishly do it just for me to go back and read. I recently found a handwritten journal I kept from when I was did a clinical pastoral rotation at St. Mark’s hospital in 1996. While I tried to be honest in the journal I failed to capture the scene of what I experienced. As I read the journal I kept wanting more information. I wanted to know more about who I talked with. What they were like. The words they said. I wanted deeper analysis of what I was thinking. I wanted to know my hopes, fears and emotions. Because of the experience if finding the journal and realizing what is missing I am a better writer. when I am cognizant of my desire for more information I write more engaging material.
On a roll
7:54am this last week WordPress informed me I have made 1,000 posts. They also keep track of how many days in a row I have posted. I am up to 173. while I was walking the dog this morning I thought about my audience. Which is me. I am the audience that reads these posts. What do I find interesting? What posts do I read? Which ones do I glance over? I usually read the ones about relationships. The WIL. My daughter. Coming to terms with my marriage.
Bill Plaschke
I read Bill Plaschke’s writing in the Los Angeles Times. He has written so long he has a certain style. A cadence that draws me in. I was thinking about that this morning. The craft of writing. Of interacting with an audience. providing something of value.
Audience of one
3:29pm I am putting together the book/compilation of the post from January until the start of work. The only audience is me. I will publish it electronically but don’t care who likes or reads it.
Imaginary audience
4:35pm at the office. I realize I have an imaginary audience so I don’t feel isolated. I figured changing my mindset to a “real” audience would eliminate the need for imaginary friends. but I am not always around people. And they don’t always care what I think. With my audience I have a group of people I can share my thoughts with. That keep me company. Care about what I am doing.
get pulled away
I am sitting here writing and I can see how I get pulled away. It is the squares. I come up with a good idea, I right it down and then I want to flit away and not keep pressing and moving forward. I want to just bask in the emotional high that I came up with something decent then spend the rest of the day building dreams in my head about how I am going to write a million dollar book and speak to enthralled audiences.
Connecting
My interaction is through my writing. What I have to offer is objective focused growth. Is this format palatable to an audience?
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