12:33pm the messed up thing is that my behavior has real world consequences. By staying in my head and not interacting with people my job performance suffers. The site I am responsible for suffers. I will lose my job. My income, my home. Yet that is easier than meeting with people. Oddly enough, I like meeting with people. I am not afraid. I just don’t know how to initiate encounters. I don’t know how to make it worth their time. I don’t know how to call to action, close a sale, get the business. My efforts feel futile. So I just hang on until I am kicked out. I will get another job and repeat the process.
Tag: behavior
Re Firing Energy
Giving up, giving in, accepting an outcome other than my objective is infuriatingly seductive.
The slightest tinge of resistance sends me into deep stagnation.
I fritter the day away with pity filled vignettes where I cast myself a wronged but valiant warrior.
Logically I can see the futility of this behavior but the emotions are unbelievably powerful.
The only way to save myself in that instance is to forcibly will myself to do at least one tiny minuscule simple task toward my objective in hopes of re firing my energy in the proper direction.
The battle to do even that is monumental and exhausting. I am ashamed to admit oftentimes I fail.
mikemeyer949 