Tag: change

Change

5:40am I don’t know how to change. How to be different. I don’t know what I would do if this blog were “discovered.” How would my world change if I received attention? I work in hospice. I have a public persona but the real me remains hidden. Writing these posts is a way to put myself out there to be discovered. But there is dissonance. The hospice director is a carefully crafted facade. It serves purpose. It is a image I use to make money and care for my family. The post writer is the inner me. He is the voice in my head. My best friend. what would I do if people at work saw these posts? What if prospective employers saw them? Family, friends. Strangers? I want more than anything to be known. I want more than anything to remain hidden.

Seeker

5:29am will I spend my whole life being who I am, striving to be what I am not? I am a seeker. I meet people where they are. I validate others. But those traits don’t make money. They don’t make me “successful.” I work jobs that do not reward who I am. I try to be different but fail. Then I try again. And again. I can’t stay put. I am not allowed to stay put. I can’t change. I am who I am.

Moments

6:05am this week is a moment with my family. This year, Arizona, is a moment. It won’t last forever. I don’t want it to last a long time. The first half of 2021 was getting out here, getting my life in place. Now the next half is living the experience. The past is gone. On Thursday I work for a new company. I got change without even having to look for it. I am dialed in for six months.

Shift

1:29am I use positive language. Shift focus. True voice. Side note: staying in true voice means not talking in future tense “I need to do…” or “I have to change…” true voice also means not getting stuck in observations. “I always…” or “when ________ happens I ______.” There is a rough patch at work. Frustration with my teams performance. I am falling into familiar feelings. I am saying familiar things. And I am doing exactly what I said not too! (Future change and observation) I am shifting now…I am the captain. I am the coach. I hold people accountable. I improve performance. I raise expectations. I am a leader. I win.

It takes a team

Change and growth is impossible on your own. Staying focused and motivated by yourself is impossible. We are emotional creatures. We base almost all our decisions on how we feel. As a result we are a mess of contradictory objectives. When the pressure is on, the boss is looking at my numbers, or wants to see a report, hear a presentation, when I am accountable I am scared. When I am scared I am motivated.
Hopes and dreams come at us at all times. We seldom can control our emotions. Because we are constantly taking in information and processing our goals and motivations change constantly. They can become opposed in an instant.
You might say on one hand I don’t want to have to work hard. Then almost with the very next though think about how you want to accomplish more. I quit the highest paying job I ever had because I did not travel six days a week. My priority changed. Would I make the same decision now? I am not sure. I am more apt at staying in pressure but at the same time I was sacrificing for the money. I missed my home, my family.
This scenario plays out large and small all the time. One second I want to reach my sales quota and then 30 seconds later I feel tired and wish I could cut out early and go watch a movie. You may want to move one second and then the next want to stay a couple more years where you are at. To stay focused takes more than just you working on your own, it takes a team.