A good place

8:00am yesterday I had a fleeting memory of what it was like to have job security. What it felt like to be the chaplain in my prime. ever since then I have been happy. With my family being out last week and the strong memory I am in a good place.

Chaplaincy

Reminds me of the life I used to live

https://www.vice.com/en/article/epnd8e/why-chaplains-are-in-high-demand-in-an-increasingly-secular-america

Future

9:10am I am excited for the future. I never got to be happy as a father. Before my daughter was born I began grieving the loss of the chaplain, time with the WIL. When my daughter was a year old our marriage was wounded. All my happy memories were before my daughter was born. We haven’t had the “good” time of her life yet. There are good memories but not an overall good time. My wife and I have struggled. This morning I found hope. Hope that the time off happiness as a parent is in the offing. Just as the time of happiness before I was a parent eventually came as the chaplain in utah. I am ready to embrace happiness. Love. Family.

Monastery

One of my favorite places in the world is the Holy Trinity Abbey in Huntsville, Utah. Holy Trinity Abbey was a Trappist Monastery that closed in 2017. I would often drive out there and sit in the chapel. The silence of the place was powerful. When it closed I felt a piece of me die. This morning in the Ogden paper I read a group is raising money to purchase the land and place a permanent conservation easement on it. I texted my mom. She was the one who showed me the monastery back in the days when they made their own honey and bread to sell in the gift shop.

On another note. The pews at the chapel were bought by a Greek Orthodox Church in salt lake. I want to go visit that church to see them again.

I always planned to do a weekend retreat in Huntsville but never did. My first job at the state hospital doing clinical pastoral education we did a field trip and met with the brothers. Lots of great memories of the monastery.

Envy

I envy people that have a skill.

I do not work with tools, programs or machines. I start new jobs and I see people that know regulations, programs, software and I long for the weary yet confident familiarity they possess.

When I was an unaffiliated chaplain I saw that in the daily mass of catholic priests. I once strived for that with liturgical worship services I conducted. I had a skilled. I visited the dying. I performed funerals, weddings, baptisms.