Conquer Insecurity

7:52pm, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday night, December 13, 2021. And there, as always, in the burning heat of my acid filled throat, is constant insecurity. It drowns my soul with fire and saps my will to live. What could I achieve if I was free of its burden? Would I live a life of breezy confidence, filled with decisive choices and positive results? Could I ultimately vanquish crushing doubt and avoid nagging fear? Can I finally have positive human interactions and accept my place in the world? At some point one of us will win; Insecurity will exact it’s final price on my soul or I will escape my vexing, inevitable plight. Either way we are in a pitched mortal battle. And though the odds are against me, I will be victorious. Because of one thing I am absolutely sure; I will either conquer insecurity or I will die trying.

Disappointment

10:55am I went back and read old posts. One of them mentioned how I wanted to do good at this job. Help my boss be successful. I also said I was afraid I would fail and disappoint. Four months later I feel I have. Census is down. Revenue is down. Confidence is lost. There are factors beyond me but I still am responsible. I failed

Impenetrable wall

Doubt assails relentlessly. Brick by brick a wall of unshakable confidence is erected. That wall creates a foundation. That foundation sustains forward motion to achieve an objective. Doubt will always be present and rise against. For every inch ceded take two forward the next time. Achieving your objective is methodical not easy or instantaneous.