6:56pm today was a better day. I felt more confident. I am still dealing with the staffing issues from last week but I am not as frustrated. Tomorrow morning is the interview for the job in Denver. I don’t have much expectation there but I am curious to hear about it.
Tag: confident
Writing
9:36am We are getting ready to leave for the activity center. It should be a fun time. Right now I am thinking about the creative pursuit of writing and what I do for work. I have come up with a new perspective. In the summer of 2002, well before my daughter was born, my wife and I moved to Valencia, California from Evanston, Wyoming. My wife kept her corporate position but I quit my job as a religious consultant for the state of Wyoming. We moved so I could be an actor and my wife could be closer to family. It was a rash adventurous decision we made as newlyweds who were sure we could conquer the world. The move was not free of tension. My wife was supportive but skeptical. While she looked forward to spending time with her sisters she wasn’t sure of my new plan for work. But I was confident. I envisioned myself auditioning for parts and easily getting jobs to pay my share of the bills. As soon as I got to California I began submitting headshots. I auditioned for some student films and got some parts but not nothing else. By the fall I realized I had neither the drive nor the talent to be a successful actor. I wasn’t terribly heartbroken. I tried and it didn’t work out. I accepted the failure but was left with a creative void. I needed to find a new pursuit. 3:09pm hanging out at the activity center, picking up where I left off. I decided I was going to be a writer. It wasn’t too much of a reach. Starting years earlier in seminary I had written some stories and started a novel. In fact I had just finished an autobiography of my youth titled “The Journey and the Destination.” In the moment I was happy. Writing was my new identity. This is noteworthy because it was during what I consider the most vibrant period of my life i.e. the time I was a hospice chaplain. In reality being a hospice chaplain was not my career choice. It was the job I did to support myself while I wrote. I loved being a chaplain. I cherish the time but I identified as a writer more than a chaplain. Just saying that reduces my anxiety. It changes how I approach work and purpose. For so long I have viewed my situation as facing a choice between sales/operations or being a chaplain. In reality I am facing a choice between sales/operations and writing. I know who I am, what I want to be. I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I simply realize I can’t expect writing to produce sustainable income. So the question I ask is, “What do I want to do to support myself while I write?”
The me of me
12:14am in bed Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I woke up from a dream ready to start over. Completely over. It is time to Re-examine the me of me. My arbitrary viewpoints are fluid. My perceived values are open. I Filter my personality and wash out that which doesn’t serve me. I am confident, happy and secure.,
Stay focused
10:48am stay focused. Confident. Assured. Positive. Captain. Leader. Champion
Positive news
8:27am I am energized by positive news. I am confident. Prepared. Uplifted. I can adapt and persevere
Tuesday Morning
5:37am I did not have a lot to say yesterday. I was still feeling run down. I sent an email to a wrong person causing embarrassment. I missed my exit coming home. I was not attentive. Today feels better. Operations review this afternoon. A couple of other meetings. I am not as confident. Friday drained me. Yesterday wasn’t better. I believe it is good. I need to find a pace I can sustain. Not be overly high or low.
Ego
The ego will roar to be fed. Achieving the objective seldom happens on the first effort. Failure leads to assessment of what went wrong. We don’t know what went wrong so we take the “facts” of what happened and determine an alternate course. Maybe the first two or three times we remain confident.
Then it happens again and again. The objective isn’t achieved. We start to doubt ability.
We can give up and not try but it is still new so we don’t do that. But we look for patterns. We see shortcomings and others don’t fix. Blame them. Blame situation. And since they have been identified we are hyper aware of them. We see failure, we see the perceived reason. We associate them.
The situation runs out, we give up or we are removed.
I worked sales on business consulting. Completed training, did ride along, practiced my pitch. I was raring to go. They sent me five leads. I failed. They sent me five more. Nothing. Four. Four. Five. It my last one had a good talk. Got farther than I ever had. I felt I was figuring it out.
Come Monday I didn’t get any leads. They said sorry. Next day sent me two. I didn’t make a sale. No leads. No leads. Complained. 2 leads. Nothing. Next Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing. Wednesday I get an email I won’t get any more leads. I didn’t produce.
I had a week where they really fed me.
Then just a couple more. Why waste the leads?
So you know what I did? I started cold calling to make my own leads.