6:58pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday night, January 9, 2023. Had another conversation last night with my daughter’s mom about officially ending our relationship and getting a divorce. At this point I am alright with it. We have known each other 25 years yet, we have been platonic for well over a decade now. While we get along and are friendly, we are not truly married. For the longest time the concept of divorce did not sit well with me. I couldn’t accept that what was once so beautiful could come to and end. But maybe we both just had to reach this place where we could honestly say it is over. I suppose we are at that place. Whatever the future holds it I look forward to it and embrace a brand new start.
Tag: divorce
Divorce?
6:23am, apartment in Dana Point, California, Sunday morning, April 3, 2022. The mood this weekend was awkward. Shortly after arriving in Orange County, my daughters mom made it clear she was in a bad mood and would be staying at a hotel. She didn’t say why but, it being our anniversary weekend surely was a contributing factor. I struggle with how to be supportive. On one hand, we are still married and, in many ways, still committed to each other. But it is obvious the best years of our relationship are in the past. We have drifted apart and frankly I don’t have the desire or energy to engage with her. I am no longer sure what we are accomplishing by being together. Maybe we need to make a complete break and divorce.
Friday Morning
5:33am, sitting at my computer in the Chandler apartment. Just finished going for a walk and working out at the complex gym. When I went for my walk it was cold and rainy. I had to grab my rain jacket. I haven’t worn a coat on my morning walk in months. Around 2am last night I started hearing thunder and seeing streaks of lightning through the bedroom window. The rain started shortly after and hasn’t stopped. The drainage area in the neighborhood was already full. The commute this morning is going to be slowed by flash floods. On the walk I thought about relationships. I reminisced about the ones I had in the past, the ones I am in now and the possibility of one in the future. I started to think about being with someone new. Feeling the excitement of falling in love. What would be the cost of trying? What would I have to do to make it happen? The fact is I am still married. No matter the strained state of our relationship we are still together. In our own unique way we remain committed to the promises we made two decades ago. I can’t go on a dating site and meet someone if I am still married. That being said, we could get a divorce. We talked about it this week. It isn’t outside the realm of possibility. That would free me and my wife to move on. We could admit it is over and make a fresh start with someone else. I am not sure about my wife but that is not a price I am not willing to pay. If we get a divorce we would no longer be a “family.” We would be split and most likely create two new families. If that happened I fear my relationship with my daughter would be destroyed. I would not get to spend as much time with her or see her. Especially if I meet someone who has children of her own. I can’t speak for my wife. Maybe she wants a divorce. If so I will go through with it but if I have the choice I choose to stay. No matter how dysfunctional we are right now we are still a family and we are still making it work. As much as I would like to meet someone I won’t sacrifice what I have with my wife and daughter.
Awkward conversation part 2
6:15pm Sunday evening, laying in bed in chandler. I feel more elaboration is needed. Our marriage has been at a stalemate for years. My wife is hurt because of my cheating. I broke her trust. She has never been able to move past that. I failed her and our vows. Should we have gotten a divorce? Should she have kicked me out? Or should I have left to be with the WIL? So many questions that never were resolved. We talked about divorce all those years ago but with a three year old daughter we did not go through with it. So we are platonic partners who survive. And deal with things when they arise. We get along well and have a functional existence. But that is not to say there are not problems. For my part I have my own issues with my wife. The surveillance . Her tracking activity on my daughters devices. As she was explaining how our daughters behavior reminded her of my actions all I could think about was her putting spyware on my computer. As she sat there and made my daughter explain every single site she visited I wondered is my daughter going to start resenting her too? today we actually talked about divorce again. It is probably inevitable. And it might be good to finally end what we have become. Then she cut my hair, we planned their visit out here next week and discussed how to pay for school in the fall. Marriage is crazy
mikemeyer949 