Check in

10:39am Monday morning. I am at work in South Phoenix. I stepped out of the office to use the bathroom. Now I am on the other side of the building. We have to leave the office to use the bathroom. There isn’t a toilet in our office. Everyone has to walk out into one of the lobbies. There is a lobby on the north side. But it is busy. And everyone knows what you are doing when you go use it. I like to walk around the back to the south side lobby. It has more privacy and the extra exercise doesn’t hurt. We had our sales meeting this morning. It devolved into frustration about the recent sale and lack of support from referral partners. It doesn’t help to complain but it feels good to vent. I like my job but I am tired of failure. I want to have success, not just get by. Even if my employers are patient it still wears me out.

A battle for honesty

What is honest? Can I be too honest? Is honesty liberating. Is honesty confining? shameful? Do i help myself being honest? Do I hurt myself? Do I help others or do I recklessly hurt people being honest?

I have anxiety I limit my options ‘my outs’ if I am too honest. Honesty is a burden that cages me into only one way of being. It makes me answer uncomfortable questions, stand by stupid mistakes, own embarrassment and wear guilt.

Honesty is a multi layered concept. Even now I measure what detail to admit.