Tag: energy

1st day in Palm Desert

6:15pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday evening, November 1, 2022. First day of the new assignment. There is a lot of information to digest. It isn’t so much there are more problems than Dublin, just the mood of the site is bleak. The first order of business is to get the energy turned around. Halloween yesterday was fun. We didn’t stay out too late but did manage to get some good candy. It was nice to have the extra day to spend with my daughter and take her to school a couple times.

Saturday morning

8:32am Saturday morning, Palm Desert. What did it matter in the end? Regardless of the life I lived I seldom if ever made a choice. Rather, events transpired, circumstances occurred and I was presented a new life to accept. I was never the force but rather the object acted upon. Unknown energy pushes me and I rationalize my fate.

Holding on

5:32 on the walk this morning you made an observation. You were thinking about making more money and retiring debt. As you thought about your money strategy you felt alive. Your energy flowed positive. Solving the issue is an engaging adventure. When you focus on the dilemma your anxiety melts away. On the other hand when you think about “holding on” the opposite is true. Holding on is trying to maintain a job, stay in an apartment or live in a certain city. Holding on makes you vulnerable. It poisons your energy. It invites attack. It makes bosses and circumstances adversaries that must be endured. Holding on doesn’t last long and it is tortuous. You vow right now to stay focused on the situation at hand and not just hold on.

Chaplain

2:15pm at lunch today I looked into being a chaplain. I have my degree. I have a work history. I have done clinical pastoral education. One thing I am missing is endorsement from an outside group. I checked out humanism. According to The Humanist Society “Humanism is a progressive philosophy of life that, without theism and other supernatural beliefs, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of self fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity” They have an endorsement that is aligned with the Association of Professional Chaplains (APC). APC is the top board certification for chaplains. I need to do this. My energy flows positive when I imagine myself a chaplain/writer. I am tired of feeling like shit for money.

Family left

6:56am my family left Arizona to go back to Orange County. They got on the road at 5am. I went for a walk after they pulled out. Then I went and worked out, came back to the apartment, made a cup of coffee and cleaned up a little. I miss having them here. There is the feeling of two apartments. When they are here the apartment is filled with energy, bodies and stuff. The girls are playing games, watching videos and ready for adventure. When they are gone the apartment is empty, quiet and depressing.

Affirmation

3:40pm to be loved by the WIL was to be affirmed. All I cared about was her opinion. If she loved me I was doing it right. Whatever “it” was. Now I am no longer part of her life. That energy no longer exists for me. To be outside that energy after feeling it for so many years leaves my soul empty.

Transformation

I am beginning to see everyday the process of transformation. 2 1/2 years ago I thought the process would be simple and easy. It has not. I constantly am pulled back to security and comfort in a job that does not provide it. I must let go but many factors, most importantly money keep me stuck in past energy. I am inching toward a new career and existence.