Do I want to get fired?

7:25pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Thursday evening, April 7, 2022. This morning I speculated about being put on a performance improvement plan at work. It wouldn’t have been surprising; when things are going bad a change in leadership is often necessary. Alas, it didn’t happen, but is that a good thing? This site has been struggling for years and frankly, I am tired of being associated with it. I want to get back to my daughter, take some time off and recharge my energy. The problem is I don’t have the guts to give up and quit. What if I resign and things aren’t better? What if I go farther into debt, or take another job that ends up being worse? I would have to live with the fact I made a terrible mistake. Getting fired is a different energy; if I get fired I am not the idiot that quit a decent job because he couldn’t handle a little pressure. Rather, I am a guy forced into a tough situation doing whatever is necessary to survive. What I really want is for someone to make a difficult decision for me. Being forced out sucks but, I find pretentious indignation a far more motivating energy than calculated withdrawal.

Still on theme

6:39pm in the apartment. Picked up dinner for everyone, finished eating, now changing. I am still on the same theme today. My work history isn’t normal. No one should change jobs fourteen times in twelve years. No one should worry about being fired everyday. No one should have to give themselves a pep talk to get ready for work. I loved being a chaplain. I was empowered by the job. It wasn’t perfect but it was great as far as jobs go. It fit my personality. I hate operations and sales. I knew early I didn’t want to do operations. It wasn’t much longer I knew I hated sales. But work has a way of locking you in. Your resume shows experience in certain fields. Whether you like those fields is a different story. The immediacy of needing money and having a job override choice. Next thing you know you are depressed and stuck. I need to change.

Journey man redux

5:47am in the apartment. Took the dog for a long walk this morning. We are both tired. I know I mentioned before that my post chaplain career has felt like being a “journeyman” professional athlete. I bounce from team to team. I seldom stay for more than a season. I am never settled, never at home. I have a particular set of skills that are valuable to a team. I fill a needed position. I show up, work hard and get paid. After a while the team management decides to go in a different direction or try something new. I update my resume, look for a new opportunity, get a new job and the cycle repeats. It hasn’t been terrible. I get to travel. I make decent money. But it is tiring not having a permanent job. I miss stability. I miss having peace of mind. I want to wake up and not feel like I am about to be fired every single day I go to work. How long can I continue to do this? Will I miss it when it is over? And most importantly, what is the alternative? What will I do if I am not doing this?

Eventful

7:25pm had an eventful afternoon. Have to make some staffing changes in light of census challenges. Takes with my supervisor. She is supportive. Of me and my decisions. I realize she is more scared of me quitting than I should be of getting fired. Which is refreshing. I want to succeed. I will succeed . I am succeeding. I have succeeded.

“It can’t be done”

The market is too saturated we don’t have the right features, I wasn’t trained. If you have worked in sales you know all the excuses for failure.

I know. I have managed many sales people. I have heard all the excuses. I have also been a sales person. I have used the excuses.

In the end there were only the jobs I hit my objective and was rewarded and jobs I missed my objective and was dismissed. I have been fired many times. I haven’t to use a baseball teen batted 1.000.

In sports the objective is clearer. You can say the defense was too hard or you didn’t have a good scheme but in the end you still didn’t score or win the game. Emotionally we naturally gravitate to excuses because they relieve the tension.

Even as you are reading this you are thinking he is a hard ass, he is too narrow focused I don’t like this all or nothing attitude. You are going back to the squares and seeing what is easiest to see and accept. And if you do what you have always done you get what you always got.

Don’t look at life as an emotional have and have not. Identify your objective, strive for it, achieve it or not then set the next objective. In your career and business life you will be much more focused and stress free.