Palm desert

8:54am this morning on the drive from Phoenix to palm desert you had a great experience. The landscape reminded you of the drive from wendover back to Salt Lake City. You remembered Saturday’s in the fall, driving out to wendover, reading the newspaper and making bets on football games. then driving back listening to game highlights on the radio. You remembered how content and happy you were on those drives. That made you think about how when this job ends you will accept it. Then you thought about getting another job. When you think about getting a sales/operations job your energy feels like poison. When you think about writing/chaplain or something new it feels pure. You are on the right track. You love these Saturday morning drives to see your daughter. Stopping to get coffee and donuts. Listening to music and books on tape. you are happy today.

Little kid

6:22am a part of me wants to be that kid again. The kid that could get lost in following the baseball season. That looked forward to football. The kid that read the newspaper and was transported to different possibilities. I say little kid but I was like that well into my 30’s. Today I wish I was a chaplain. Making a couple visits then parking in the shade, reading the paper, drinking coffee.

Focus

In 2019 Jason Shelley was the heir apparent at quarterback for the university of utah football team. He was going to be the starter of a nationally ranked team. People are excited about his abilities and what he can do. Presumably Jason Shelley dreamed of winning games scoring touchdowns and the roar of the crowds adulation.

They brought in Cam Rising. Though he hasn’t played a snap people are more excited by his potential. He has the buzz. Then before practice even begins utah lands a graduate transfer jake Bentley to play quarterback.

This is where the squares and patterns become prominent. What was the original objective of Jason Shelley. To lead the team to touchdowns win football games, make the playoff and win a championship. The circles didn’t change.

But the squares and patterns changed. Does coach doubt me? What made him doubt me? Do they see something I don’t? What did I do wrong? What does he hate me? This is my job, he said so last year. I haven’t had a chance to practice as much. They aren’t even looking at my film.

That is the static, all the emotional and narrative energy that flows through our minds.

Imagine what rickie Fowler had to block out. He was just voted over rated. He probably wanted to stick it to his peers. He was dreaming of the cameras flashing hugging his loved ones, putting the trophy on his mantle. But you see his focus. His mind didn’t wander from the objective. To the good the bad, the confusing, scary or frustrating.

Emotions and feelings are infinitely powerful and they can pull you off your objective like a gust of wind on a high rope.