Tag: Happy

Time change

6:08pm, apartment, Arizona, evening. Sunday was the end of day light savings. In Arizona that means we stay put as time zones change around us. During the summer we are on Pacific time. In the winter, mountain time. I grew up in the mountain time zone so it feels familiar but I do lose an hour now traveling back from California. On a similar note Our office had a time change. We went from closing at 5pm to closing at 4:30pm (all the offices at the new company are on that schedule). You wouldn’t think 30 minutes makes that big of a difference but it does. 30 minutes means avoiding traffic. It provides more time to relax and the day is shorter. Change is hard but in that one small capacity things feel better. Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most.

Good day continued

9:57am in my office, Arizona. I am still thinking about the post from yesterday. The schedule I mentioned was created when I first moved to California 19 years ago. It was perfected when I was a hospice chaplain in utah. It is remarkable to think for all the dreams and hopes that have passed through my mind these thousands of days I really have only lived slight variations of one day.

A good day

6:28am, Sunday morning, Dana Point, CA. When life is over all I really did was live thousands of individual days. Here is an example of an idealized typical day for me: From midnight to 3am I sleep. For this particular example I would have many vivid dreams that stick in my mind and make me happy. I don’t always get to have great dreams and I appreciate them when I do. Next I would wake up between 3am and 6am and go for a walk. I like to walk outside or go to the gym and walk on the treadmill. I walk early in the morning because at that time I can talk to myself and let my mind wander without wondering if I look weird. I also don’t have to stress about greeting people or worry about the dog (when I have her) encountering aggressive dogs or owners that want the animals to say “hi.” (I am not asocial but I do prefer to spend most of my time in my head rather than overthinking personal interactions). After that I exercise (stretch, lift weights), go home, watch some tv, read, eat breakfast and drink coffee. I can enjoy an entire morning doing those activities plus writing a little bit, napping, paying bills, answering emails. Around 10 in the morning I would shower, iron clothes, dress, get ready all while listening to music. Between eleven and noon I would leave to have lunch with a friend or co worker. When that was over I would spend a moment alone to recharge my energy. Maybe drive to a secluded spot, sit in my car and scroll through my phone, catching up on the news of the day. Around three pm I would make chaplain visits or go into the office and interact with people. A little after five I would head home, eat dinner, watch tv and read before I fell asleep between 8pm and 9pm. There it is. What I would consider a good day (weekday at least). I like that schedule. You know what? It isn’t hard to be happy when I don’t think too much about existential issues or try to rule the world. I guess I simply need to relax and enjoy the day in front of me.

Future plans

6:14am Thursday morning, apartment in Arizona. Three weeks until thanksgiving. My daughter has gotten into the show Steven Universe. We texted the last two nights about it. I have watched the movie with her and am going to California this weekend to hang out with her and get caught up on the episodes. On a personal note, I haven’t drank alcohol since Sunday, October 24, 2021. I plan to abstain until the end of the year. Not for any particular reason, I am just tired of feeling depressed for two days after I drink. I am sticking to my plan to move back to California in March (or sooner) I will either pay my wife to let me sleep on the couch or get a room in a house with roommates. I will let fate decide the kind of job I get and the salary I earn. Probably not the scenario I envisioned for my 50th year but it is what it is. I want to be in the closest place I have to home while my daughter attends high school.

Paradise City

8:20pm, Wednesday night, Arizona, laying in bed. “Rags to riches or so they say, Ya gotta keep pushin’ for the fortune and fame, You know it’s all a gamble when it’s just a game, Ya treat it like a capital crime, Everybody’s doin’ the time.” Guns & Roses, Paradise City. I don’t know what I consider success. I am not going to make a lot of money. I don’t truly want to be famous. What am I trying to achieve?

Springsteen

8:35am, office. My brother died 5 years ago. I grabbed some cds of his and put them in a box when we went through his stuff but hadn’t listened to them until this week. On my trip to California Saturday I brought the cds with me. One of them was Bruce Springsteen’s Darkness on the edge of town. “Poor man want to be rich, rich man want to be king and a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything.” Badlands, Bruce Springsteen

Perspective

7:28am, Dana Point. I took my daughter and her friend to a neighborhood haunted house last night. We had fun. The kids (middle school/high school) did a good job getting into character and performing. We came home around 8pm. I went to bed shortly after but the girls stayed up, they didn’t go to sleep until 1am. Needless to say, they are still sleeping. The dog and I took a walk this morning. While coming down the hill I thought about life. Right now Arizona gives me perspective I couldn’t see in Orange County. When I lived here all I saw was stress, I couldn’t relax because work and leisure weren’t separate. No matter what I was doing my mind was thinking about my job and what I had to do. Now work is in a different state. When I am in California I leave it behind and enjoy experiences with my daughter. I am fully present watching a movie, shopping at the mall or going to a haunted house. I don’t like being far away from her but I am thankful for what we have shared the past year.