8:50am, sitting in my truck outside my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, December 23, 2021, two days before Christmas. I left my phone on the bed when I went to work this morning so I had to drive home to get it because the corporate security system won’t allow access to email without using two-step verification. I wasn’t upset I had to make the extra trip, the office is kind of boring right now. Today is the WIL’s birthday, which gives me mixed emotions. On one hand I am thinking about of her and everything we shared over the years. However, her birthday wasn’t typically a day we got to spend together since she often had plans with family and friends. I feel a million miles away from her right now. That breaks my heart because I miss her terribly, yet if I am honest, I am thankful for the reprieve.
Tag: heartbreak
The last time
12:35pm the last time the WIL and I were physically together she asked me if I had been with someone else. She asked out of curiosity. Not anger not accusing. That she would ask me broke my heart. I interpreted it that she wanted to confess she had been with someone and wanted to feel better thinking I had as well. The truth is I had been with a couple of other people at that time. Nothing serious. A couple of random hook ups. But I said no. I professed my purity. It sounded fake even to me. But I couldn’t have that conversation with her. Even though my body had been with someone else my heart and soul had not. That is still the case two years later. It is frustrating. I accept the WIL is gone. I accept she has moved on. I want to move on but still feel twisted up. I can’t be intimate, I can’t date because that emotional connection is still with her. I feel like I gave her a gift I can’t get back. And though she doesn’t care for it and I need it she still keeps it. She hasn’t felt the need to reach out to me for physical or emotional comfort in over a year. I just want to let go like she has so I can reclaim my life. No hard feelings.
mikemeyer949 