Tag: home

No more interviews

6:20pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Friday evening, July, 8, 2022. I was offered the Area Director position in Rancho Cucamonga today and I accepted. The start date will be the first part of August. In the end, I received a better title, more responsibility and a fairly significant pay increase. And I get to move closer to home. However, the process was more frustrating and humbling than I anticipated. Right now I feel excited about new possibilities but also exhausted. I think I will go to bed really tonight. Thank god I do not have to do any more job interviews.

Truly going home

5:18am, Friday morning, April 15, 2022, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, U.S.A. Today, after work, I am leaving for Southern California to take a much needed vacation. The trip will last 10 days, culminating with a return to Arizona next Sunday. It has been a long time since I had the feeling of truly “going home.” So long in fact that I didn’t believe it was possible to feel it ever again. But this morning on the walk, and sitting here preparing for the day, I am blessed to say that is what I am experiencing now.

Morning, Monday December 27, 2021

8:41am, in my office, Phoenix, AZ, Monday morning, December 27, 2021. The apartment is filled with people so I am happy. It is different waking up to a full house. When they are here life is peaceful. I get up later, take the dog for a walk and enjoy the morning sunrise. I wish everyday could be this simple. Mom flies home tomorrow, which makes me sad. I miss having her here when she is gone. Everyone else is staying until New Year’s Day, then it is back to the usual emptiness. The patient from the weekend is still at the hospital and we had another patient transfer. I am frustrated at work. I feel the results do not match the effort we are giving.

Balance

2:02pm I am back in my office in south Phoenix. I went home for lunch. Now I am trying to finish up some tasks. My daughter and her friend want to go to a movie this afternoon. I am going to leave an hour and a half early to take them. I want to enjoy time with them. Tonight is the last night this trip. They leave first thing in the morning. It is important I focus on being present when I am at work and also when I am hone. I struggle with multi tasking. I can concentrate on work or on family but it is hard to do both. I am sure that is the case for most people.

Last post

In my office in south Phoenix. 8:12am. I have a call starting in three minutes. But wanted to capture this thought. The last post represented a shift in mindset. The morning walk started with thinking about the WIL and how I can get over her. By the time I got home and sifted through my thoughts it evolved to insight about my relationships, marriage and commitment. 8:28am back from my morning call. The thought I was completing before I left…the other night I woke up after 12am and felt everything could be new. The last post was a perfect example of that. I can change my perspective and not be stuck in old patterns. I want to change. Enjoy life again

Really messed up

12:33pm the messed up thing is that my behavior has real world consequences. By staying in my head and not interacting with people my job performance suffers. The site I am responsible for suffers. I will lose my job. My income, my home. Yet that is easier than meeting with people. Oddly enough, I like meeting with people. I am not afraid. I just don’t know how to initiate encounters. I don’t know how to make it worth their time. I don’t know how to call to action, close a sale, get the business. My efforts feel futile. So I just hang on until I am kicked out. I will get another job and repeat the process.