Consistent, direct and knowledgeable

6:16pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, January 6, 2023. Since I can remember my sole focus in relationships has been pleasing others. That is, trying to make people like me by being agreeable. While positivity is commendable, I wonder; was I ever anything more than inoffensive? Did I provide value to those that encountered me on the road of life? If I am honest, the answer is “No.” I didn’t know who I was, my sense of self was not defined. Consequently, I feared being exposed as an imposter if someone got too close or asked too many questions. I don’t feel that way any more. Recently, I started my third year as a director and leader. Now I provide considerable more value in relationships because I am consistent, direct and knowledgeable. I appreciate who I was in the past but I enjoy even more who I am in the present.

Getting serious about the move

6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.

Re-commit to grow

6:20pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday evening, January 3, 2023. Worked with the marketing team this afternoon to identify opportunities for new business. It has been a neglected part of our operation the past two months. We just haven’t had adequate staff to take new referrals so we stopped reaching out to key customers. However now, after two good hires, things are looking up. We can look to grow again. It takes a certain mindset to grow. First, you have to have tenacity to generate business. Second, you need creativity to sheperd that business onto service. Finally, you have to have skill to provide the proper level of care once they come onboard. If a component is missing the business fails. Now is the time for us to re-commit our efforts and get the machine working properly again.

The donut hole in happiness

2:34pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday afternoon, January 2, 2022. There is a donut hole in my quest for happiness. When I avoid work, stress-free mornings are followed by tediously empty afternoons. However, embracing challenge means my free time is pervaded with unmanageable anxiety. Avoiding work causes existential angst, embracing it means crippling pressure. I try to find balance but, in reality, I am not sure it is possible. No matter what, there will always be something missing. It is best to accept the situation and make peace with the vacancy, whatever form that may be.

Friday night in Palm Desert, California

5:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, December 30, 2022. Left the office and returned to the hotel. Usually I go back to Orange County Friday afternoon or late morning but, with no other staff available I stayed until closing. Next week a regional colleague will be on site. However, she does not arrive until Tuesday afternoon and leaves early Thursday so I will be in Palm Desert again for five nights next week. It is strange to be here on Friday but, it is better than hurrying home just to turn around again. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow, working out, and enjoying the free hotel breakfast before going to spend the new year with my daughter.

The hi-desert

7:05pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, December 29,2022. Made a trip to the “hi-desert” this morning. That is the area in San Bernardino county where Joshua Tree National Park is located. I needed to get paperwork signed for two nurses and rather than have them come to the office I agreed to meet them up there. My motives were twofold; to get their signatures and to see the area. The hospice has patients up there and I was curious to see what it was like. The drive took 45 minutes and was enjoyable. The weather was much cooler and it had just rained. I don’t get out of the office very often so it was nice to have some time to relax and just be.

Just a day at work

6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday night, December 28, 2022. Not much to report right now. Today was busy, which made time go fast. For that I am thankful. I did talk to my supervisor about taking time off next week. I am not sure what I would do with an extra day off but, it would be nice to be out of the office for a spell. I will have to make plans and come up with something fun.

Mom made it safely

11:18pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday night, December 28, 2022. Mom made it safely to Wyoming without my accompanying her. The accomplishment was a team effort; my daughter’s mom drove her to the airport, my daughter and her friend got her through check in and finally, a family acquaintance picked her up in Salt Lake City for the drive back to Wyoming. I am glad she made it and, to be honest, happy I didn’t have to go. This weekend gave me a chance to relax and change perspective regarding work. Now I feel less stressed. If I had missed work yesterday I would have fallen back into the same energy as before. I needed a change. Fortunately there are only three more work days until 2023. Time to make the best of them.

A long week ahead

6:27pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday night, December, 26, 2022. Came to Palm Desert instead of staying in Aliso Viejo tonight. Originally the plan was to take Tuesday off, fly to Salt Lake City with mom, turn around, fly back, then drive to Palm Desert Wednesday afternoon. However, the clinical manager here in Palm Desert had a family emergency so, she is not available to open the office tomorrow. I altered my vacation plans to be here as needed. Unfortunately, that meant traveling on an extremely busy afternoon. A drive that normally takes 2 hours took closer to four. I am tired and getting ready for bed. It feels like this is going to be a long week.

Much needed

8:02 pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Friday night, December 23, 2022. Made it to Orange County early this afternoon. After dropping mom off at the hotel in Lake Forest, I picked my daughter up to do some Christmas shopping. Now we are watching YouTube and eating pizza. I am happy to be away from work for the next couple of days. Time to relax and enjoy much needed time off.