Tag: january

Apartment hunting

4:49pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Saturday afternoon, January 7, 2023. We are going to see a movie tonight in Irvine. That means getting home late. I don’t mind, it will be nice to get out of the house instead of sitting on the couch. I drove in from Palm Desert this morning then ran errands before checking out apartment complexes in Lake Forest. Nothing stood out as a place I want to live. I will check out more properties tomorrow. Hopefully one will stand out. I did decide to get a two bedroom. That way when my daughter or mom want to stay they have their own space without feeling like they are putting me out.

Consistent, direct and knowledgeable

6:16pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, January 6, 2023. Since I can remember my sole focus in relationships has been pleasing others. That is, trying to make people like me by being agreeable. While positivity is commendable, I wonder; was I ever anything more than inoffensive? Did I provide value to those that encountered me on the road of life? If I am honest, the answer is “No.” I didn’t know who I was, my sense of self was not defined. Consequently, I feared being exposed as an imposter if someone got too close or asked too many questions. I don’t feel that way any more. Recently, I started my third year as a director and leader. Now I provide considerable more value in relationships because I am consistent, direct and knowledgeable. I appreciate who I was in the past but I enjoy even more who I am in the present.

Getting serious about the move

6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.

The donut hole in happiness

2:34pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday afternoon, January 2, 2022. There is a donut hole in my quest for happiness. When I avoid work, stress-free mornings are followed by tediously empty afternoons. However, embracing challenge means my free time is pervaded with unmanageable anxiety. Avoiding work causes existential angst, embracing it means crippling pressure. I try to find balance but, in reality, I am not sure it is possible. No matter what, there will always be something missing. It is best to accept the situation and make peace with the vacancy, whatever form that may be.

New Year’s Day 2023

7:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Sunday night, January 1, 2023, New Year’s Day. Stayed up until after midnight last night to celebrate the new year with family. We had a fun time playing board games, listening to music and watching firework displays across the country. This morning I woke up later than usual and went for a short walk. It rained heavily last night so both the dog and I were soaked when we got home. Not much happened other than I watched a movie, picked up dinner and ran errands with my daughter. Not an overly ambitious start to the year but a good day nonetheless.

New Years Day

9:16am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday, January 01, 2022, New Years Day. My family goes back to Orange County today. They planned on leaving at nine but are still asleep. I don’t blame them, we are all tired from staying up late last night. The dog and I went for a walk at six, then drove down the block to fill the car with gas before having coffee and breakfast. I feel weird right now; emotionally indifferent, with no ambition. What do I look forward to this coming year? There is no overarching plan, and that makes me nervous.