Producing

I have stopped creating for the most part because I felt it didn’t go anywhere.

I am almost 49 and I feel my worth is diminished. In the last ten years I have bounced between 11 jobs. I have spent savings retirement and have debt.

My wife and I are separated. I no longer speak to the woman I love. Sex is a shallow dangerous encounters with strangers I treat as a party favor .

I don’t want to admit who I truly am or truly am not so I just retreat farther into my mind and the hollow shadows of meaningless existence

Stronger

I stay on task.

The constant barrage of noble defeat, ego satiation and misguided excuses are more easily deflected. I feel I am getting better. I feel I am getting stronger. But feelings are meaningless. Only the objective matters. Only results matter.