5:37am Monday morning. In my apartment, sitting on the couch. The Temperature outside is 84 degrees. It was a little warm on the walk this morning but It feels nice in the apartment. Usually it is stifling. I don’t run the air conditioning unless I have company. It gets expensive and feels indulgent to do it when I am alone. I am watching the weather, drinking cold water and eating a protein bar. After I went for a walk at 4am I Went to the gym at the apartment complex. I usually have the place to myself early mornings. When I got there the main door was stuck. I used my fob three times but it wouldn’t open. I had to go around to the back entrance. After I washed my hands and got a drink from he drinking fountain I Worked out. I started with push ups. Three sets of ten. After I did push ups I did flies with the Bands hanging from the racks. I try to imagine myself a gymnast doing iron crosses when I do the flies with the bands. Then did triceps with free weights and with the bands. I also stretched out my back on the bench. I feel better when I stretch out my back and abdominal muscles. It feels like they get tight from sitting around all the time. After stretching them out I feel stronger. And leaner. I had a great night last night. In fact last night and this morning were a very peaceful. I seldom say that about Sunday/Monday. I think I have figured out the trick. I just don’t think ahead. About anything. That is why I had a good night. I refused to think ahead. My stress comes from trying to create context. I try to find the perfect scenario if life. I try solve the past, present and future simultaneously. That never works. And it makes me depressed. Today I am staying in the moment. I am not going to depress myself or stress myself out.
Tag: monday
Peace at work
5:44am Monday I keep thinking about last Monday. Driving to the office. Pulling in. Having a strong emotional memory. Remembering being secure. Happy. Proud of work. Where my first thought of the day wasn’t about fear of failure. getting fired. I need to find peace again.
Monday Morning
5:46am Sunday night from 2pm until going to work on Monday morning is the most desperate time of existence. This day needs to start so it can get over with.
On trial
I am kind of having a crisis of identity. I notice I write these posts on Monday mornings. I am working sales but I hate going to sales meetings with nothing to show for it. On trial and failure. I guess everyone would do it if it were easy?
I feel anxiety gripping my throat. I can’t breathe. I can’t move forward and get a ‘win.’ I can’t let go and accept defeat. I put myself in this situation thinking it was sink or swim. Who knew there was a third option. Just get ground down. I hate doing sales when there are no sales.