Eventually all things are lost

6:41pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Sunday evening, January 22, 2023. There is a finite amount of time left in Arizona. I am struggling to say goodbye. I can’t stay but, letting go is difficult. A part of me exists here that doesn’t subsist anywhere else; waking up in my apartment, going for walks, exercising in the gym and drinking coffee while watching the weather. It is the best start to a morning I have ever experienced. Now the opportunities do those things are dwindling. Life is like that; you celebrate times and then let them go. It was just announced the minor league baseball team in Salt Lake City, Utah is moving to the suburbs. They are going to tear down the stadium in the area where I have watched games since I was nine years old. So many memories with my brother, my dad, my family exist in that ballpark. It is sad to see it go but, time marches on. Eventually all things fade and are lost. We have no choice but to enjoy them while we can and miss them when they are no longer here.

Smith’a Ballpark, Salt Lake City, Utah, photo by Erik Alberto/Axios

Baseball mitts

6:35pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Saturday evening, January 21, 2023. Enjoyed a low key day in the apartment. Ran some errands this afternoon but, nothing too ambitious. I needed time to rejuvenate after a long week. I was going to meet a friend for dinner tonight but canceled. I didn’t have the desire nor energy to go out. On another note; my daughter is starting baseball next week. I dug our mitts out of storage and have been breaking them in. So far, so good. I haven’t played catch in years and never with her. I am excited to get back out there and to share that experience with her.

Back in Arizona, January 20, 2023

3:37pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Friday afternoon, January 20, 2023. Made it back to Arizona. Things were slow enough at work I could leave before noon. After a quick stop to fuel up I headed east. The drive was smooth, no traffic or major accidents. I was able to relax, listen to music and enjoy the desert scenery. It is so nice to be back in Arizona right now. My apartment in feels like home, at least for a couple days. I missed my couch, tv, bed, clothes, etc. Now I am going to do a little cleaning before getting dinner and spending the night watching movies.

Bittersweet Arizona

6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday evening, November 10, 2022. Heading to Arizona tomorrow after work. Originally I was going to leave at eleven, then the clinical manager needed time off. So I pushed it to three. I don’t mind staying but that is 4pm mountain time. Most of the drive will be in the dark. This weekend will be bittersweet. My friend arrives on Tuesday so this is the last week I have the apartment to myself. I will miss some things about Arizona but overall, I am ready to move on.

December 26, 2021 update

8:32am, in a hotel room, Valencia, CA, Sunday morning, December 26, 2021. Last night ended up being longer than expected. The patient who fell was transported to the hospital before our nurse arrived. The community did not have an update to share this morning so I slept until 6 before taking the dog on my favorite walk. After that, my daughter and I ate breakfast in the lobby with grandma before my wife got dressed and joined us.

Bitter pain of wrenching loss

7:08am, my apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday morning, December 18, 2021. The road curved and flattened before undulating down. Was this the right path? Had I missed a turn? It seemed familiar, yet so much time had passed I couldn’t be sure. Then instantly, as if right on cue, the meadow opened before me. Sunlight washed over tall yellow flowers, the jagged mountains rose to meet the clouds and there, off in the distance, was the tiny house we called home. Bitter pain of wrenching loss, ridiculous hope for an impossible reunion and the always tortuous memories surrounded me. And in that moment I could not help but ask the question I knew would never be answered, “How did something so beautiful ever end?”