Tag: operations

Monday morning

5:49am in the apartment, on the couch. Sipping coffee and watching the weather. The temperature is supposed to be high this week. I like the cooler air. I would rather wear a jacket. I live in the wrong place. I am thinking about change. Do I want to change work? One factor to consider is pay. The job in Denver says the rate they are starting at is 10% higher than my salary now. a higher pay check would alleviate pressure. I ran through a lot of retirement and savings in Orange County. I incurred debt. While I have made more money since switching to operations I am getting by, not getting ahead. A raise in pay could change my circumstances.

Sunday morning

8:37am I only did one post yesterday. I was getting tired of the subject matter. I feel like all I can think about or write about is work. A couple thoughts were bouncing around in my head but I didn’t want to take the time to share them. Last week I transitioned the director of business operations over to sales. I am not back filling his position right away. That means I have to do many of the business office functions. I will either learn responsibility quickly or fail spectacularly

Writing

9:36am We are getting ready to leave for the activity center. It should be a fun time. Right now I am thinking about the creative pursuit of writing and what I do for work. I have come up with a new perspective. In the summer of 2002, well before my daughter was born, my wife and I moved to Valencia, California from Evanston, Wyoming. My wife kept her corporate position but I quit my job as a religious consultant for the state of Wyoming. We moved so I could be an actor and my wife could be closer to family. It was a rash adventurous decision we made as newlyweds who were sure we could conquer the world. The move was not free of tension. My wife was supportive but skeptical. While she looked forward to spending time with her sisters she wasn’t sure of my new plan for work. But I was confident. I envisioned myself auditioning for parts and easily getting jobs to pay my share of the bills. As soon as I got to California I began submitting headshots. I auditioned for some student films and got some parts but not nothing else. By the fall I realized I had neither the drive nor the talent to be a successful actor. I wasn’t terribly heartbroken. I tried and it didn’t work out. I accepted the failure but was left with a creative void. I needed to find a new pursuit. 3:09pm hanging out at the activity center, picking up where I left off. I decided I was going to be a writer. It wasn’t too much of a reach. Starting years earlier in seminary I had written some stories and started a novel. In fact I had just finished an autobiography of my youth titled “The Journey and the Destination.” In the moment I was happy. Writing was my new identity. This is noteworthy because it was during what I consider the most vibrant period of my life i.e. the time I was a hospice chaplain. In reality being a hospice chaplain was not my career choice. It was the job I did to support myself while I wrote. I loved being a chaplain. I cherish the time but I identified as a writer more than a chaplain. Just saying that reduces my anxiety. It changes how I approach work and purpose. For so long I have viewed my situation as facing a choice between sales/operations or being a chaplain. In reality I am facing a choice between sales/operations and writing. I know who I am, what I want to be. I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I simply realize I can’t expect writing to produce sustainable income. So the question I ask is, “What do I want to do to support myself while I write?”

Still on theme

6:39pm in the apartment. Picked up dinner for everyone, finished eating, now changing. I am still on the same theme today. My work history isn’t normal. No one should change jobs fourteen times in twelve years. No one should worry about being fired everyday. No one should have to give themselves a pep talk to get ready for work. I loved being a chaplain. I was empowered by the job. It wasn’t perfect but it was great as far as jobs go. It fit my personality. I hate operations and sales. I knew early I didn’t want to do operations. It wasn’t much longer I knew I hated sales. But work has a way of locking you in. Your resume shows experience in certain fields. Whether you like those fields is a different story. The immediacy of needing money and having a job override choice. Next thing you know you are depressed and stuck. I need to change.

Confluence

There is this confluence in my life where a lot of things happened together. A nexus. One was the five years of being the chaplain. I loved that job but after five years it had become stale. I wanted to try something new. Second, I became a parent. That changed my world outlook and made me more anxious. Third was the financial crisis. That disrupted our lives. I felt I had to make more money. I have gotten into a worldview rut. I don’t mind the things I have done. Sales, travel, operations. But I would like to feel that security and enjoyment of being a chaplain again at work. I am exhausted

Low key and a glimpse

10:28am I drove to the office this morning to work on a presentation for tomorrow. As I drove I thought about chaplaincy, sales and operations. The three jobs I have had in my twenty two plus year career. Being the hospice chaplain was far and away the best. Sales were far and away the worst. I miss being the chaplain. I am relieved I don’t do sales. Operations aren’t bad. But not my passion. I am not a hard charger. A visitor who interviewed me for this job described me as “low key.” I get that a lot. “Quiet” “low key” “calm presence” those are good traits for a Chaplain, not as much for a leader. Definitely not good traits for sales. As I pulled into the office I had a glimpse of remembering what it felt like to be the chaplain. To not worry about job security. To not be constantly scared of reprimand or dismissal.

Success puzzle

2:02pm at a new rest stop, just past the Arizona state line. Sunday Father’s Day. This is the latest I have had a first post in a long time. Success is like a puzzle. Since 2009 I have been trying. I keep doing the same thing and getting the same results. I have traded out the puzzle- sales, operations, entrepreneurship. But I stack the pieces the same. I try hard. I give a good effort. But I don’t ignite. Take off. Find security. Growth. Change language: I approach opportunities in innovative ways. I find success. I grow. I expand. I flow.