10:01pm Dana Point, thanksgiving Thursday. My mom and I drove to Dana Point this morning from Chandler. Traffic wasn’t bad but we did get slowed down by an accident outside of Coachella. When we arrived some in laws had just shown up. Dinner was served early afternoon and followed up with hanging Christmas lights. Everyone went home around six then my daughter, wife and I saw a movie in Irvine. All in all not a bad way to spend thanksgiving.
Tag: Orange County
Back in Arizona
7:45 pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday evening. I am back in Arizona after a weekend in Orange County. I got a late start this morning and hit traffic just outside the city so it was dark when I arrived back at my apartment. After eating dinner and unpacking the car I started a load of wash and put away groceries. Now I am checking emails and charging my phones. I plan on going to bed early to get rested for tomorrow. This will be the last week corporate support people will be at the office Monday through Friday. I appreciate the help but it is stressful having to explain everything and learn new systems.
The beach
4:28pm Dana Point, Saturday afternoon. I got out of Phoenix shortly after 4am and made it to Dana Point around 9:30am with the time change. My daughter has a friend who plays volleyball so she wanted to play a little when I arrived. After playing volleyball we headed down the path south of the apartment and went to the beach. I tried boogie boarding for the first time. Then the girls wanted to play more volleyball ball. Now we are back home relaxing a bit before heading out to run errands. So far it has been a good day.
Time and Place
6:08am apartment Friday morning, Arizona. When I was in utah I was wedded to that place. My body pulsated with power. I was invigorated by the energy, the sites, the feeling of existing in a perfect moment. In utah my job completely defined me. I was the unaffiliated Hospice chaplain from wyoming and I was proud. That feeling came to an end January, 2008. the job ended in 2009. I left utah in 2012. To this day my heart and soul still belong to that time, that place, that job. Now, I have been in exile one way or another for almost 14 years. I still pine for that place, that job, that time but I don’t feel the pull to go back to utah as strongly as I once did. So much time has passed and there is no hope to see the WIL. I guess Orange County is home now but it isn’t the same, it isn’t ethereal like utah. Maybe it will be someday. After all, I despised high school but when I graduated I missed the time and place terribly. Maybe when I look back at Orange County I will realize it is the place I am supposed to be all along. We will see. I guess nothing will ever be utah again. If that is the case at least I got to feel that great one time in my life.
Perspective
7:28am, Dana Point. I took my daughter and her friend to a neighborhood haunted house last night. We had fun. The kids (middle school/high school) did a good job getting into character and performing. We came home around 8pm. I went to bed shortly after but the girls stayed up, they didn’t go to sleep until 1am. Needless to say, they are still sleeping. The dog and I took a walk this morning. While coming down the hill I thought about life. Right now Arizona gives me perspective I couldn’t see in Orange County. When I lived here all I saw was stress, I couldn’t relax because work and leisure weren’t separate. No matter what I was doing my mind was thinking about my job and what I had to do. Now work is in a different state. When I am in California I leave it behind and enjoy experiences with my daughter. I am fully present watching a movie, shopping at the mall or going to a haunted house. I don’t like being far away from her but I am thankful for what we have shared the past year.
Jobs
2:01pm. There are two jobs in San Diego county I could apply for. There was one in Orange County I did apply for but didn’t give much effort to get. What I am saying is there are opportunities to return to Southern California. Yet I am hesitant. I miss my daughter and I want to be close to her. But there are bad memories. Was I really happy there? Was I in a good place? last I remember I was tens of thousands of dollars in debt and just laid off from a my ninth job in nine years- a job I had all of three months. Forgive me if I am not eager to jump back in.
Saturday afternoon
4:53pm Saturday afternoon, Dana Point. Upon arriving in Orange County I stopped to grab my mail from the post office. Then I continued to my wife and daughters house. My daughter was excited to play a new game, my wife was finishing work before she left to run errands. I took the dog for a walk around the complex then returned to eat lunch. When I finished I felt tired, so I laid on the couch and took a nap.
Travel
5:32am I am traveling to Orange County today. I will leave at 7am. Seven thirty at the latest. I am going to see my daughter for her birthday. On the way I am stopping to meet a work acquaintance. I have only talked to her over the phone. She said to to visit if I was passing through. Usually I travel on weekends. But today is Friday. When I called to tell her my agenda she seemed excited. “Stop by. I will show you around.” Our brief conversations have had a flirtatious energy. Nothing overt. Enough to make us curious to meet. She has an appointment that finishes at 12:15pm. I will plan to visit around 12:30. One at the latest. I will meet her then head south to spend the weekend with my daughter.
God thoughts
5:52pm. Returned from Orange County. I didn’t stop in palm desert so no check in there. Talking with my daughter about creativity. Dreaming of being the chaplain. Listening to Camus’s The Stranger And Pirsig’s Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance on the drive. All that together led to existential pondering…The concept of god is who ever validates our thoughts and hopes. The belief in god exists on the plain of thinking about the past and the future. I remember the past because it brings me joy. I use it in the present to being me peace. Same with a hopes for future. Not because it is real or even achievable but because it brings happiness. Some concept of returning to the past is feasible. Some concept of obtaining a dream future is feasible. Finding god in some form of the ideal is feasible.
Stay put
7:24am a part of me keeps trying to get out of stress. Another part of me tries to stay. I don’t know if I want to change. The dominant force wins. the chaos of work, of being in Arizona, changing jobs all the time is how I figured out what I wanted to give my daughter. A life in Orange County. Maybe it is madness. Maybe when I look back it will all make sense. Whatever the case I always say I want to change but never do. There has to be a reason. I choose to keep living this way
mikemeyer949 