Consistent, direct and knowledgeable

6:16pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, January 6, 2023. Since I can remember my sole focus in relationships has been pleasing others. That is, trying to make people like me by being agreeable. While positivity is commendable, I wonder; was I ever anything more than inoffensive? Did I provide value to those that encountered me on the road of life? If I am honest, the answer is “No.” I didn’t know who I was, my sense of self was not defined. Consequently, I feared being exposed as an imposter if someone got too close or asked too many questions. I don’t feel that way any more. Recently, I started my third year as a director and leader. Now I provide considerable more value in relationships because I am consistent, direct and knowledgeable. I appreciate who I was in the past but I enjoy even more who I am in the present.

Getting serious about the move

6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.

Re-commit to grow

6:20pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday evening, January 3, 2023. Worked with the marketing team this afternoon to identify opportunities for new business. It has been a neglected part of our operation the past two months. We just haven’t had adequate staff to take new referrals so we stopped reaching out to key customers. However now, after two good hires, things are looking up. We can look to grow again. It takes a certain mindset to grow. First, you have to have tenacity to generate business. Second, you need creativity to sheperd that business onto service. Finally, you have to have skill to provide the proper level of care once they come onboard. If a component is missing the business fails. Now is the time for us to re-commit our efforts and get the machine working properly again.

The donut hole in happiness

2:34pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday afternoon, January 2, 2022. There is a donut hole in my quest for happiness. When I avoid work, stress-free mornings are followed by tediously empty afternoons. However, embracing challenge means my free time is pervaded with unmanageable anxiety. Avoiding work causes existential angst, embracing it means crippling pressure. I try to find balance but, in reality, I am not sure it is possible. No matter what, there will always be something missing. It is best to accept the situation and make peace with the vacancy, whatever form that may be.

New Year’s Day 2023

7:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Sunday night, January 1, 2023, New Year’s Day. Stayed up until after midnight last night to celebrate the new year with family. We had a fun time playing board games, listening to music and watching firework displays across the country. This morning I woke up later than usual and went for a short walk. It rained heavily last night so both the dog and I were soaked when we got home. Not much happened other than I watched a movie, picked up dinner and ran errands with my daughter. Not an overly ambitious start to the year but a good day nonetheless.

New Year’s Eve 2022

6:25pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Saturday evening, December 31, 2022, New Year’s Eve. The weather has been foggy and rainy all day. I drove I’m from Palm Desert this morning then picked up my daughter to visit friends in San Juan Capistrano. Afterwards we picked up dinner and settled in to celebrate the new year. My daughter is playing a game on her tablet and I am watching football. Time will tell if we have enough energy to see midnight.

Friday night in Palm Desert, California

5:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, December 30, 2022. Left the office and returned to the hotel. Usually I go back to Orange County Friday afternoon or late morning but, with no other staff available I stayed until closing. Next week a regional colleague will be on site. However, she does not arrive until Tuesday afternoon and leaves early Thursday so I will be in Palm Desert again for five nights next week. It is strange to be here on Friday but, it is better than hurrying home just to turn around again. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow, working out, and enjoying the free hotel breakfast before going to spend the new year with my daughter.

Just a day at work

6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday night, December 28, 2022. Not much to report right now. Today was busy, which made time go fast. For that I am thankful. I did talk to my supervisor about taking time off next week. I am not sure what I would do with an extra day off but, it would be nice to be out of the office for a spell. I will have to make plans and come up with something fun.

Bittersweet Arizona

6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday evening, November 10, 2022. Heading to Arizona tomorrow after work. Originally I was going to leave at eleven, then the clinical manager needed time off. So I pushed it to three. I don’t mind staying but that is 4pm mountain time. Most of the drive will be in the dark. This weekend will be bittersweet. My friend arrives on Tuesday so this is the last week I have the apartment to myself. I will miss some things about Arizona but overall, I am ready to move on.

Like any new habit

5:41am, Pacific Standard Time, at my computer, in the apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday morning, May 3, 2022. Today marks the of beginning a new task; I will glean posts from the last year and a half and compile them for publication. This is a very exciting endeavor for me; it allows a more focused frame for my writing and provides the opportunity to develop a new creative outlet. Now all I need is the motivation to get started. Like any new habit, I will begin slow and gradually increase effort. After my morning walk and workout, but before coffee and reading, I will turn on my computer and select one post a day. That volume will indubitably increase but, for now, consistency is the key.