5:30am*, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday morning, March 26, 2022. (This is the first time I am using the scheduled post option. Actual writing time is 6:30pm, Friday, March 25, 2022. If all goes well I should be on the road to Orange County by 5:30am tomorrow morning. But I wanted to schedule this post because I believe consistently delivering at a regular time, first thing in the morning, is beneficial to you, the reader. It sets clear expectations of when you will see a post from me and that creates more of a mutually beneficial connection between us. Or so I hope. Either way, you can definitely tell I went to sales training this week.) The sales manager came to my office yesterday afternoon to discuss our second quarter marketing plan. I blocked out one hour for the session, but it ended up lasting four. I didn’t want to spend that much time working on marketing but, there isn’t much choice anymore; revenue is down and financials must improve. So many people above and below us depend on this site to be successful. We can’t let them down. Personally, this represents a completely new level of understanding; prior to this, the only person I ever cared about was me. As a result, I repeatedly struggled as a leader, a husband and a parent. I never truly embraced any role with heightened responsibility because I was scared of failure. I shied away from commitment to avoid being rejected. I lived a life of constant upheaval, skipping out on dedication because of fear. Well, I am not scared any more. I accept the situation and will do what needs to be done to succeed.
Tag: parent
Proud parent
6:48pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday night, March 3, 2022. Today was the second day of parent/teacher conferences at my daughters school. It is always interesting at these things to hear about a version of your child different than you expect. All the instructors mentioned her confidence, leadership and focus. Attributes, frankly, I feared she lacked. I brought that up on one of the calls and asked the teacher to explain why I didn’t easily see those traits in her. The teacher replied home is often the place where kids get to relax, so we, as parents, don’t always see a true version of their public persona. She assured me our daughter displays all those traits and more. What’s more, she is a thoughtful wonderful person who is well on her way to becoming an amazing woman. That made me happy to hear. I can honestly say I am very proud parent tonight.
Attending a funeral today
6:22am (pacific) Palm Desert, California, Saturday morning, December 11, 2021. I am traveling to Orange County today to attend the funeral of my daughter’s friend’s father. Actually, I should say, my friend. I knew him well, at least as parents of similar aged children know each other. We attended many school events over the years and volunteered our time together, talking about the frustrations of life and the enjoyment of fatherhood. It is hard to believe he is gone. I will hug my daughter extra long when I get there, life feels rather fragile at the moment.
Saturday
13:35pm, apartment, Saturday afternoon. My mom and I ran errands around town this morning. It is the weekend before thanksgiving so it was busy. She wanted to get me some groceries and paper products, typical staples I need for the house but haven’t gotten in a while. She enjoys shopping and I of course am thankful for the gesture and getting to spend time with her. While we were at the store I remembered an item my daughter requested for Christmas a couple of weeks back. On a whim I looked for it and it was a good thing I did. The store did not have it in stock. I checked online for another location nearby and realized it is becoming scarce. Apparently this particular item is nearly sold out within a 20 mile radius and I imagine will be very hard to find by next weekend. I ended up ordering one at a store west of town. After resting we are going to go pick it up then grab some dinner.
Wednesday afternoon
3:49pm in the office, Wednesday afternoon. I am busy at work figuring out schedules, contracts and payroll. I don’t mind being busy. I tend to overthink existential issues with too much downtime. My mom’s flight from Salt Lake City arrived early this afternoon. The airport is only 12 minutes from my office so I went down and picked her up. It was nice to see her again. I haven’t seen my mom since March back when she lived with me in California. We didn’t have much time to talk. As soon as we got to the car my assistant texted me. The regional team came into the office unannounced. I quickly took my mom to the apartment and rushed back to the office to meet with everyone but they had already left to go to other offices up north. They seemed thankful to get a head start so it all worked out.
November 17
11:03am, in my office, Phoenix, Wednesday morning. My mom arrives today. She is flying in from Salt Lake City. Her flight is boarding at this very moment. She gets in shortly after 1pm. I will pick her up at the airport, drop her off at the apartment then return to work. Today is also my brothers birthday. He would have been 52. The next two weeks will be nice to have company and to see my mom again.
Friday morning
5:46am Friday morning. My wife called yesterday. She wanted to let me know our daughter had been hit in the head by a falling bowl. Though no cuts or bumps the doctor suggested “taking it easy” for a couple days. That meant they would not be traveling over the weekend. My wife wanted to know if I would like to come home. I said “yes.”
Wednesday
5:29am Wednesday. When I started my walk I noticed the faint odor of a skunk coming from the East. It had been there every morning this week. I assumed the animal must be hurt or dead. That got me thinking about life. My dad has been gone fifteen years. Did he live the life he wanted? Did it matter? My brother died five years ago. My mom still has his stuff. Lately she has asked me if I want it. When is a mother ready to let go of her son? When is a son able to let go of his father?
Confluence
There is this confluence in my life where a lot of things happened together. A nexus. One was the five years of being the chaplain. I loved that job but after five years it had become stale. I wanted to try something new. Second, I became a parent. That changed my world outlook and made me more anxious. Third was the financial crisis. That disrupted our lives. I felt I had to make more money. I have gotten into a worldview rut. I don’t mind the things I have done. Sales, travel, operations. But I would like to feel that security and enjoyment of being a chaplain again at work. I am exhausted
Future
9:10am I am excited for the future. I never got to be happy as a father. Before my daughter was born I began grieving the loss of the chaplain, time with the WIL. When my daughter was a year old our marriage was wounded. All my happy memories were before my daughter was born. We haven’t had the “good” time of her life yet. There are good memories but not an overall good time. My wife and I have struggled. This morning I found hope. Hope that the time off happiness as a parent is in the offing. Just as the time of happiness before I was a parent eventually came as the chaplain in utah. I am ready to embrace happiness. Love. Family.
mikemeyer949 