Attending a funeral today

6:22am (pacific) Palm Desert, California, Saturday morning, December 11, 2021. I am traveling to Orange County today to attend the funeral of my daughter’s friend’s father. Actually, I should say, my friend. I knew him well, at least as parents of similar aged children know each other. We attended many school events over the years and volunteered our time together, talking about the frustrations of life and the enjoyment of fatherhood. It is hard to believe he is gone. I will hug my daughter extra long when I get there, life feels rather fragile at the moment.

Family left

6:29am my family has packed up and left. Now the apartment is quiet. Uncluttered. The quiet isn’t better. But it isn’t worse. It is just a different way to live. What is the best way to live? The easy answer is surrounded by people. Engaged in relationships. Part of a group. But that isn’t always the case. There is value in being alone. Taking time to explore the inner world. Personally, solitude restores my spirit. When I am with my wife and daughter I feel swirling chaos. Particularly with my wife. Her parenting style is frenetic. Being with her makes me feel overwhelmed. Helpless. Frustrated. That is who she is, how she parents. I accept it but I look forward to a time when my daughter is older. When we can spend more time together. She will reach a point where she wants to explore the world. I want to give her the opportunity to do that. I think my wife has more interest in keeping her vulnerable.