12:24pm Monday afternoon. I just finished lunch. I have the same thing for lunch everyday. I have some crackers, peanuts and a piece of cheese. Most of the time I have some beef jerky but not always. I am in my office with the door open. I almost always leave it open. Sometimes I close it for privacy like when I want to put my feet up on my desk or lay down in the floor. It isn’t that I am secretive. I just don’t want to be seen with my feet in the desk or lying on the floor. Today has been a weird day thinking about the WIL. It is a rare day where I remember how frustrating things were with her at the end. Over the course of our relationship we would have arguments. Sometimes we would get pretty heated. . Always by text mind you. Or over the phone. Though we could get mad we were both passionate and committed. No matter how angry we got we both hurt. Nothing felt right until we resolved the issues. Then a couple of years ago she started pulling away. She would push my buttons, I would get passionate in an argument but she wouldn’t engage. She would just disappear for days/weeks on end. No matter how much I asked her to talk to me she would be silent. It was so painful. I had all the love, fear and desire roiling through me and she just was a ghost. She was like that a lot towards the end. I keep thinking of a million reasons why. Was she busy? Did she not care for me? Did she find someone else? No matter the answer the result was painful. I am remembering that today and actually glad we don’t talk.