Morning, Monday December 27, 2021

8:41am, in my office, Phoenix, AZ, Monday morning, December 27, 2021. The apartment is filled with people so I am happy. It is different waking up to a full house. When they are here life is peaceful. I get up later, take the dog for a walk and enjoy the morning sunrise. I wish everyday could be this simple. Mom flies home tomorrow, which makes me sad. I miss having her here when she is gone. Everyone else is staying until New Year’s Day, then it is back to the usual emptiness. The patient from the weekend is still at the hospital and we had another patient transfer. I am frustrated at work. I feel the results do not match the effort we are giving.

Holiday Plans Update

1:57pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, December 21, 2021, listening to Christmas music. This morning my mom flew into Phoenix from Salt Lake City. I picked her up at the airport and took her grocery shopping before coming to the office. She will be here until next Tuesday. We will go to Orange County on Friday and come back on Sunday. My wife and daughter are coming to Phoenix on Sunday as well so I am excited. We have a lot of activities planned and my daughter has a new video game she wants help with. It will be a good end to 2021.

Haunted

11:40am, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Monday morning, December 20, 2021. Trapped in my office, frustration does not abate. I used to find solace dreaming of carefree summer days. Now, idle time haunts me more aggressively than the pointless work I despise.

Winning

2:05pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Thursday afternoon, December 16. Some wins at work today. I hired a nurse to replace the one who quit, I found coverage for open shifts, and I have qualified applicants for open positions. It feels so good to see a new team coming together.

Someplace else

1:55pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Wednesday afternoon, December 15, 2021. It is natural, when things slow down, to think about being someplace else. After all, life is more enjoyable in reflection, when current circumstances cease to demand attention. This afternoon I left my office, drove to a nearby park and sat in my car. As the bright sun warmed me, my mind wandered to last year. I recalled being in Dana Point, sitting on my couch, experiencing a similar moment. It was not a perfect time. The ongoing pandemic resurged and large group restrictions were in place. My wife and daughter had moved out and my mother, recuperating from a nasty fall, had moved in. I was settling into a new job that, unbeknown to me, was going to end in three weeks. It was not a time l felt particularly content, yet sitting in my car, remembering it, all I felt was peace. Now I am looking at decisions I will make for the coming year; Will I stay in Arizona? Or maybe move back to Orange County? Perhaps even end up somewhere I have yet to discover? Many times in life I find myself missing what was left in the past and that makes me realize something; come next year, when I have a moment to reflect, I very well could be enjoying the sunshine of a similar afternoon, in a new someplace else, missing the very place I am now.

Becoming me

2:58pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, December 14, 2021. I have time to write and I have been consistently writing. The question is, am I writing anything worthwhile? This post means probably not. Just kidding. My entire life I have searched for what I consider my true identity. I wondered; who am I? What is my narrative? The last couple of days I have identified as the author of this blog. As mikemeyer949, I write what I experience and I do it consistently. That consistency makes me confident; I know who I am, what I do and how I do it. It hasn’t always been easy, but I feel I found my true voice. And I feel I have found my identity, too.

Whoops

7:53am, just got to the office, Phoenix, Arizona, Monday morning, December 13, 2021. I got out of my car and realized my clothes don’t match. I changed shoes at the last second but didn’t change belts. My belt brown and my shoes are black. Of course it is on the day I have two new employees starting and the nurses coming in for a meeting. Whoops.

Quitters?

2:50pm in my office, Phoenix Arizona, Friday afternoon, December 10, 2021. The windshield repair guy I referenced this morning no showed for the 11am appointment. I will find somewhere else to take my car next week, hopefully the window doesn’t crack on the way to California. Also, the triage nurse that I referenced last week as surly and lacking compassion quit without notice two hours before her shift was supposed to start. It has been one of those days.