1st day in Palm Desert

6:15pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday evening, November 1, 2022. First day of the new assignment. There is a lot of information to digest. It isn’t so much there are more problems than Dublin, just the mood of the site is bleak. The first order of business is to get the energy turned around. Halloween yesterday was fun. We didn’t stay out too late but did manage to get some good candy. It was nice to have the extra day to spend with my daughter and take her to school a couple times.

Awkward conversation part 2

6:15pm Sunday evening, laying in bed in chandler. I feel more elaboration is needed. Our marriage has been at a stalemate for years. My wife is hurt because of my cheating. I broke her trust. She has never been able to move past that. I failed her and our vows. Should we have gotten a divorce? Should she have kicked me out? Or should I have left to be with the WIL? So many questions that never were resolved. We talked about divorce all those years ago but with a three year old daughter we did not go through with it. So we are platonic partners who survive. And deal with things when they arise. We get along well and have a functional existence. But that is not to say there are not problems. For my part I have my own issues with my wife. The surveillance . Her tracking activity on my daughters devices. As she was explaining how our daughters behavior reminded her of my actions all I could think about was her putting spyware on my computer. As she sat there and made my daughter explain every single site she visited I wondered is my daughter going to start resenting her too? today we actually talked about divorce again. It is probably inevitable. And it might be good to finally end what we have become. Then she cut my hair, we planned their visit out here next week and discussed how to pay for school in the fall. Marriage is crazy

Let go

7:26am I realize a lot of my stress comes from owning problems. The census at work being down bothers me. but I refuse to own it. It is a problem I am working to address. There are many areas that need improving. That is one of theme. I will come up with a plan and fix it like I do everything else. I will not allow myself to be run off. Or to give up. I am the captain. I am the leader for the entire voyage.

Changes at work

The new company took over last week. Part of the change requires directors to assume many back office HR functions. My mind is adjusting to new ways of thinking. It isn’t easy but good for me to learn new things. Approach different problems. Think more black and white. Specifics oriented

You don’t get to choose

You don’t get to choose what changes. Something good will come from change and something will be sacrificed. Change does not automatically mean better, it means different. The positive side of change is if a situation feels stagnate and painful the possibility of something new is mostly positive. I made the decision about my job. I spent a lot of money and ended up with different problems because of the change. But when I look back at it I am glad I made the change. I feel better and more alive dealing with the latter rather than the former.