Me

7:46pm I meet people where they are. Even if they don’t practice organized religion they can “feel” a concept of god. I like humanism because it honors the individual journey. And to be honest it is the easiest path to endorsement. I just don’t wholly reject ethereal presence. Whether real or not the belief can provide comfort for a person. Bottom line, I do not promote any religious concept of god but I will honor someone’s understanding if that is what they feel.

Writing

9:36am We are getting ready to leave for the activity center. It should be a fun time. Right now I am thinking about the creative pursuit of writing and what I do for work. I have come up with a new perspective. In the summer of 2002, well before my daughter was born, my wife and I moved to Valencia, California from Evanston, Wyoming. My wife kept her corporate position but I quit my job as a religious consultant for the state of Wyoming. We moved so I could be an actor and my wife could be closer to family. It was a rash adventurous decision we made as newlyweds who were sure we could conquer the world. The move was not free of tension. My wife was supportive but skeptical. While she looked forward to spending time with her sisters she wasn’t sure of my new plan for work. But I was confident. I envisioned myself auditioning for parts and easily getting jobs to pay my share of the bills. As soon as I got to California I began submitting headshots. I auditioned for some student films and got some parts but not nothing else. By the fall I realized I had neither the drive nor the talent to be a successful actor. I wasn’t terribly heartbroken. I tried and it didn’t work out. I accepted the failure but was left with a creative void. I needed to find a new pursuit. 3:09pm hanging out at the activity center, picking up where I left off. I decided I was going to be a writer. It wasn’t too much of a reach. Starting years earlier in seminary I had written some stories and started a novel. In fact I had just finished an autobiography of my youth titled “The Journey and the Destination.” In the moment I was happy. Writing was my new identity. This is noteworthy because it was during what I consider the most vibrant period of my life i.e. the time I was a hospice chaplain. In reality being a hospice chaplain was not my career choice. It was the job I did to support myself while I wrote. I loved being a chaplain. I cherish the time but I identified as a writer more than a chaplain. Just saying that reduces my anxiety. It changes how I approach work and purpose. For so long I have viewed my situation as facing a choice between sales/operations or being a chaplain. In reality I am facing a choice between sales/operations and writing. I know who I am, what I want to be. I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I simply realize I can’t expect writing to produce sustainable income. So the question I ask is, “What do I want to do to support myself while I write?”

In Defense of Growing

Yesterday I asked the question am I just futilely spinning my wheels or am I on a journey of growth.
Today I posit that I am growing. In the late 2000’s and early 2010’s I was working on creating representation for unaffiliated religious people. By the time I had put as much effort as possible into it I had put together a compilation book and self-published it on Amazon. The book itself is not very good and I think I only officially sold one copy (maybe two) but the effort was there and I had something to show for it.
The same is true of thirtydayjobcleanse.com. I put the effort fort and felt like I was really close. Again perhaps the material was not good but it was a valiant effort that I believe was on the cusp of producing revenue from my marketing efforts. I just couldn’t quite pull it all together. In fact this blog is morphing into the actual Thirty Day Job Cleanse so I am not even sure it is dead yet.
Whatever the case I believe I am growing and becoming. I need to keep walking even when it seems like it will never end.