Sunday evening

6:14pm Sunday evening, Arizona. Then I realized a truth. All my stress, all my sadness initiated from doubt. Doubt I was worth loving, doubt I could complete a work assignment, doubt I could win a competition. Doubt weighed me down like an anchor pulling my happiness to the abyss. I had always dealt with stress by trying to run away. When I couldn’t figure out how to escape I felt more stress. The answer was to not run away. To not doubt. Only I could choose to be confident in the face of adversity. Vanquish doubt and remove stress.

Rain and the WIL

10:55am it has been rainy and overcast all morning. Nice to have cooler temperatures. I have been thinking about the WIL. It breaks my heart to call her that and not say her name. I haven’t seen her in over a year and a half. Yet I can’t stop thinking about her. Love, intimacy, sex. Those things are meaningless without her. If I try to experience them all I feel is sadness.