Tag: Southern California

Springsteen

8:35am, office. My brother died 5 years ago. I grabbed some cds of his and put them in a box when we went through his stuff but hadn’t listened to them until this week. On my trip to California Saturday I brought the cds with me. One of them was Bruce Springsteen’s Darkness on the edge of town. “Poor man want to be rich, rich man want to be king and a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything.” Badlands, Bruce Springsteen

Perspective

7:28am, Dana Point. I took my daughter and her friend to a neighborhood haunted house last night. We had fun. The kids (middle school/high school) did a good job getting into character and performing. We came home around 8pm. I went to bed shortly after but the girls stayed up, they didn’t go to sleep until 1am. Needless to say, they are still sleeping. The dog and I took a walk this morning. While coming down the hill I thought about life. Right now Arizona gives me perspective I couldn’t see in Orange County. When I lived here all I saw was stress, I couldn’t relax because work and leisure weren’t separate. No matter what I was doing my mind was thinking about my job and what I had to do. Now work is in a different state. When I am in California I leave it behind and enjoy experiences with my daughter. I am fully present watching a movie, shopping at the mall or going to a haunted house. I don’t like being far away from her but I am thankful for what we have shared the past year.

Jobs

2:01pm. There are two jobs in San Diego county I could apply for. There was one in Orange County I did apply for but didn’t give much effort to get. What I am saying is there are opportunities to return to Southern California. Yet I am hesitant. I miss my daughter and I want to be close to her. But there are bad memories. Was I really happy there? Was I in a good place? last I remember I was tens of thousands of dollars in debt and just laid off from a my ninth job in nine years- a job I had all of three months. Forgive me if I am not eager to jump back in.

Halloween fun

11:23am Saturday. We walked in the door at 3am this morning. Last night was epic. First the party started at 6pm. With dinner, heavy traffic, finding a car space and meeting up with other guests we didn’t enter the park until 9pm. By then it was packed with people. Waits for rides topped two and a half hours. At midnight we walked one of the Halloween attractions. After that we were tired. It was a rush to get everyone home before falling asleep. My daughter is still asleep. I woke up to take the dog out and have been watching football.

Friday

8:09am Friday, Dana Point. Today is the day my daughter and I are going to the amusement park for Halloween. She is going with friends, I as a chaperone of sorts. I look forward to it. October is the best month of the year; it has fall weather, Halloween and leads directly into two more months of holidays.

Vacation

6:14am Thursday. Soon after dinner last night I fell asleep on the couch at my wife’s house. It was a deep, luxurious slumber filled with peacefully confusing images and happy childhood memories. The kind of sleep I rarely achieve during the hustle of life in Arizona. It happened right before evening. There were still some streaks of light in the sky but we had pulled the blinds and turned on a lamp or two. Once the house was settled my daughter began watching a Halloween movie. I don’t remember the plot but it had something to do with a secret society of teenagers battling an evil carnival. Shortly after it started I became extremely tired. The sounds of a full house, the smell of chicken soup emanating from the kitchen mingled in my brain and put me at ease. My eyelids grew heavy and I curled up on the side of the couch. Before long I was snoring softly. My daughter was surprised. She implored me to wake up, stressing it was barely eight o’clock. But I couldn’t be roused. The release of stress starting vacation and the sense of being home had emptied me out. I stayed there on the couch all night. Sleeping my peaceful sleep, dreaming my quiet dreams until the dog whined to be let out ten hours later.

New boss

6:49am Wednesday. The new bosses are coming to the office today. They will arrive at 10 and leave by noon. It is an informal meeting before the acquisition closes next month. I don’t have many expectations. They didn’t choose me and I didn’t choose them. These relationships seldom work out. I will keep an open mind.

While laying in bed I thought about the importance of staying in the present. When I focus on the moment at hand I am happy. If I plan too far ahead or spend too much time thinking about the past I get sad. I don’t like being sad. I am taking time off next week to spend time in California with my daughter. That is as far as I will look ahead. Nothing else is guaranteed.

I dreamt about the WIL last night. I was an usher at a church. She walked in with her husband. Her and I didn’t talk but her husband stayed behind. He got close to me and tried to intimidate me. I kept it casual and asked how the three boys were doing. He told me the one was in the hospital. I was alarmed and asked for more details but now I can’t recall what he said. I am not sure what to make of the dream.