5:18am, Friday morning, April 15, 2022, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, U.S.A. Today, after work, I am leaving for Southern California to take a much needed vacation. The trip will last 10 days, culminating with a return to Arizona next Sunday. It has been a long time since I had the feeling of truly “going home.” So long in fact that I didn’t believe it was possible to feel it ever again. But this morning on the walk, and sitting here preparing for the day, I am blessed to say that is what I am experiencing now.
Tag: Southern California
Waves of the collective ocean
4:47pm, at a trampoline park, Orange County, California, Saturday afternoon, April 2, 2022. The human soul is prone to sink by default; constantly threatening to drown in defeat, suffocating under embarrassment and flailing through uncontrollable loss. We are fated to a life of learning how to existentially swim as it were. That is, develop our own personal technique to rise above this un-chosen destiny. It is the only way to achieve anything that approaches true happiness. Of course, peace is not found through aggressive defiance. Constantly fighting negative experience simply burns a person out. No, true happiness is found when we accept our circumstance without giving in to it; floating along on the waves, being one with the collective ocean, available to the rare times tranquility finds us and gives us respite. After all, perpetual joy can’t be found and human suffering is never eradicated, but the few times we do accomplish such things are worth the effort life asks of us.
What happened Saturday
5:30am, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. Left Arizona at 5am Saturday morning and headed west. First stop, Blythe, California. After a quick bathroom break I was back on the road making good time. Just outside Palm Desert my daughters mom called. She is having issues with her car and needs to buy something new. She also needed toilet paper so I picked some up on the way into town. I made it to Dana Point at 11:30am. An hour later my daughter and I went to the post office to mail a package and pick up the mail. Then we got lunch and hit the mall, but we didn’t buy anything. Once we got home we started playing a video game and did that the rest of the night.
Not much going on, I got a haircut
6:02am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, March 21, 2022. The drive to Arizona yesterday was exhausting. I left Orange County a quarter after eleven, stopped for gas and a quick haircut (the first in over two years, my daughters mom has been cutting my hair since March of 2020), then was on the road by noon. I noticed yesterday morning the East bound interstate was closed for construction around Glendale (Arizona) so I factored in extra drive time. However, about sixty miles from Phoenix, GPS started adding large chunks of time. Apparently, in addition to construction, a major accident was backing traffic up significantly. The result was a long, slow, detour through crowded industrial areas on the west side of Phoenix. By the time I walked in the door of the apartment at 6:30pm I was tired and cranky. I let everyone know I arrived safely before eating dinner and going to bed. Now it is time to get ready for another week of work.
Learning a hard lesson
7:04am, apartment in Dana Point, California, Sunday morning, March 20, 2022. The first talk of job cuts happened Friday afternoon. I called my supervisor regarding another matter but she brought up the hard truth instead. I understand. Things are not going well and there isn’t a quick fix on the horizon. The situation is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. I personally feel incapacitated, like watching a slow motion disaster unfold; I can see the horror happening, but am helpless to stop it. In the past, I focused on what that meant to me; loss of direct income, family instability, bruising of personal pride. But today is different. Today I feel I let down those that depend on the businesses success to care for their families and sustain households. It is a crushing weight to bear and I feel every ounce of it. I am learning a hard lesson; there is no nobility in failure. Merely trying is not enough. I need to get better, improve my skills, or I am of no value to anyone else.
At the height of our love
3:15pm, at a car wash in Laguna Hills, California, Saturday afternoon, March 19, 2022. My daughters mom was having a hard morning dealing with the chaos from last nights sleepover so when I got to Dana Point I took the girls to get drinks at the local coffee shop before getting lunch. After the friend went home my daughter and I came to the car wash for a long overdo vehicle cleaning. Once the car is done we will go to the apartment and watch anime the rest of the evening. Last night at the pet store the cashier complimented my tattoo. I was kind of surprised because no one has noticed it for a long time. So long that sometimes I forget it is there, even though it takes up all my upper arm. I didn’t think much of the exchange until today an employee at the coffee shop also complimented me on the tattoo. It has been over eleven years since I got it, a testament to the love the WIL and I shared so many years ago. This week has held many flashbacks of my time in Utah, none more powerful than remembering the WIL and who we were at the height of our love.
It probably doesn’t matter
8:02am, Blythe, California, Saturday morning, March 19, 2022. Stopped just across the state line to rest for a bit and grab a cup of coffee. This morning started slow. I overslept and was in a hurry to make up time. Unfortunately, I got even further behind because of heavy construction traffic outside Phoenix. All those factors, coupled with the start of daylight savings time, has me in a bad mood. I should really let it go though, we don’t have any plans, so it probably doesn’t matter.
Something better will come along
4:41pm, office, Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, March 8, 2022. I missed posting yesterday. That was disappointing because I usually post at least once a day. I got busy in the morning and feel asleep early last night so I missed doing my job. oh well, I can’t go back and change the past. Now I am in my office waiting for the new clinical director to pack up and leave. I hope she gets out soon, I want to go home. Today has been a busy, long, painful experience. We have process issues and I am getting tired of dealing with them. The recruiter contacted me about the Orange County job. They offered the job to someone else. Apparently, I was their second choice. I can’t say I am overly disappointed, the opportunity didn’t seem right. When I am ready, something better will come along.
Breaking news: Saturday recap
7:31am, Dana point, California, Sunday morning, March 6, 2022. The weather was cold and windy yesterday so the festivities in Dana Point were slightly muted. We got to the harbor around 1pm. There was no parking, so I dropped the girls off and circled back up the hill before walking down to meet them. By the time I got there they had walked to the other end of the harbor. I was a little put out but was thankful I (and they) got some much needed exercise. We ate a late lunch before going to the mall. We dropped my daughters friend off at 5:30pm and headed back to the apartment. As we walked up I realized I didn’t have a key and the door was locked. So we went back out to find my daughter’s mom, get the key and head home to take care of the dog. After that, we watched some television, read a little, then got ready for bed.
Whales of appreciation
&:02pm, also, Chandler, Arizona, Friday night, March 4, 2022. Today was employee appreciation day. We ordered pizza and ice cream for the staff. Only five people attended, but everyone appreciated the gesture. Even though they didn’t come, at least they knew something was offered. Often that is enough to make people feel valued. I am going to Southern California tomorrow to attend Whale Fest on Dana Point with my daughter and her friend.
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