8:27am in my office at work. I was talking to myself on the walk this morning. A couple of realizations. 1. I don’t know if I loved being a chaplain because of the work or because I had stability. 2. I don’t know if I liked the job of being a chaplain or that I could excel only working part time. 3. I have had opportunities to go back to being a chaplain. If I really want it why haven’t I made the change?
Tag: stability
Salvation please
7:25pm Friday night, I want to be saved. To find success. Or even stability. My mind is exhausted. I think a million thoughts that add up to nothing. I have written over 1000 posts. Do they matter to anyone but me? I should solicit an audience, try and connect. Someone needs to knows I am alive. That I have thoughts. That I feel emotions. Why do I stay hidden yet want to be known? I wear myself the fuck out
Themes
10:40am common themes lately. General anxiety. Fear. Stability. Creativity. Productivity. Results. Accomplishment. Being known. Remaining hidden. my mind cycles on these themes
Realization
what I once saw as a strength has become a liability. I wasn’t afraid to let go and leap into the unknown. While this has given me many friends, adventures, experiences, money and titles it has not afforded me stability or true sustained growth. At the beginning of 2021 I see what I need to personally work on to become better
mikemeyer949 