Tag: Sunday

Friday night

8:13pm on Friday night. In the apartment. Have the sliding glass door open and letting the cool air in. I haven’t done that since the beginning of may. The apartment is cooling down. It feels nice. Watched a little of a movie, talked to my daughter. They are going to come visit on Sunday and stay for the week. I am excited to have a full house again.

Awkward conversation

12:06pm Sunday afternoon, July 18. Palm desert, driving back to Arizona. Stopped to go to the bathroom, get gas and snacks. I had an awkward conversation with my wife this morning. After I woke up, took the dog for a walk and got coffee i returned to the apartment shortly after 7am. My wife was awake and sitting at her computer. When I walked in the door she announced she was “so mad.” Then she stepped out to use the bathroom. When she returned she explained that she set up a new phone. When she did this the controls on an app she uses to monitor our soon to be 13 year old daughters online activity updated. Apparently our daughter went on her phone to allow some rather inappropriate content to not be filtered. however that was not the awkward part. What made it awkward was how she then tied it to my behavior ten years ago. How I was evil and she didn’t want our daughter to meet someone like me. A conversation we have had numerous times.

Be present

5:42am this week is a moment. Something that I looked forward to for a long time. My family with me for a whole week. I want to enjoy this time. Stay in the moment. Four years ago I pictured a perfect scenario with the WIL. A Sunday afternoon in the fall, us together. Having drinks, making love, holding each other, laughing. Not too long after I envisioned the scenario the opportunity fell into place. I was going to be in utah on a Sunday in September and she was able to get away for a couple hours. I was so excited. I went to the gym, worked out, showered. However as I got ready a funny thing happened. My mind started to wander. I began thinking about the things I had to do the following week. It was bizarre. I was literally in my ideal scenario with the person I love and I was not staying present. I wasn’t in the moment. I quickly saw the absurdity. But only because the events of the day were so aligned with my fantasy. If not I might never had noticed my mistake. I learned my lesson that day. Don’t waste a cherished experience by not being fully present in the moment.

Sunday Afternoon

1:16pm family is here. They arrived a quarter before 10am. We went and got drive thru breakfast then went to the grocery store. The heat was already well over 100 degrees by the time we got back home. Now my wife is taking a nap in the back bedroom. The girls are watching a movie. Life feels good. Yet I have anxiety. Nothing is causing it. It is just a constant feeling. If I meditate and focus I can imagine I am in a time share or hotel room. We are on vacation. When I think about that I can remember what it felt like to be alive. To feel highs and lows. These days my emotions are ground down. I sometimes feel frustrated but seldom feel contentment.

Success puzzle

2:02pm at a new rest stop, just past the Arizona state line. Sunday Father’s Day. This is the latest I have had a first post in a long time. Success is like a puzzle. Since 2009 I have been trying. I keep doing the same thing and getting the same results. I have traded out the puzzle- sales, operations, entrepreneurship. But I stack the pieces the same. I try hard. I give a good effort. But I don’t ignite. Take off. Find security. Growth. Change language: I approach opportunities in innovative ways. I find success. I grow. I expand. I flow.

Nouwen quote preaching

6:20am Sunday “…preaching means more than handing over a tradition; it is rather the careful and sensitive articulation of what is happening in the community so that those who listen can say: “You say what I suspected, you express what I vaguely felt, you bring to the fore what I fearfully kept in the back of my mind. Yes, yes- you say who we are, you recognize our condition…””

Henri J. M. Nouwen, the wounded healer, pg 39