Tag: thursday

My nephew and age 31

6:17pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday evening, January 26, 2023. Today is my nephew’s 31st birthday. That’s significant because twenty years ago, when I turned 31, we lived close to his family in Valencia. In between jobs, I spent afternoons hanging out with him, doing homework, shooting hoops, and shuttling him to various activities. I look back fondly on those weeks. It was a rare opportunity, before full adulthood, to be carefree and spend quality time with a relative I might otherwise not have known. It was also that age, when shortly thereafter, I took the Utah hospice chaplain job. I consider that period the happiest of my life. Realizing he is now the same age brings back good memories. He’s been through a rough couple of years lately. For the occasion of his birthday, I hope he finds his “Utah” soon. And gets to enjoy a little happiness in his life as well.

Possible return to Dana Point and a film fest

10:23, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Thursday night, January 12, 2023. Just got back from my daughter’s film fest in Orange. It was fun to see the work of the students then talk to them afterwards. We met up with friends who came to offer support. It was nice they drove so far for an event hosted by a school there children don’t attend. On a personal note; I contacted rentals in the area to set up viewings over the weekend. I have come full circle in my search. The places on my list are all in Dana Point. This fact has invigorated me. For so long I didn’t think I could go back even though Dana Point is the only place I truly consider home. Up until today there did not seem to be anything in my price range. Now I have viable options. Hopefully by the end of the week I will have keys to my new home.

Getting serious about the move

6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.

The hi-desert

7:05pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, December 29,2022. Made a trip to the “hi-desert” this morning. That is the area in San Bernardino county where Joshua Tree National Park is located. I needed to get paperwork signed for two nurses and rather than have them come to the office I agreed to meet them up there. My motives were twofold; to get their signatures and to see the area. The hospice has patients up there and I was curious to see what it was like. The drive took 45 minutes and was enjoyable. The weather was much cooler and it had just rained. I don’t get out of the office very often so it was nice to have some time to relax and just be.

Winning

2:05pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Thursday afternoon, December 16. Some wins at work today. I hired a nurse to replace the one who quit, I found coverage for open shifts, and I have qualified applicants for open positions. It feels so good to see a new team coming together.

The women I love and the places they live

4:57am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, December 09, 2021. Would the WIL hold as much power over me if she moved from Utah? Would I still think about her constantly and miss her terribly if she packed up her stuff and moved to, say, Ohio, or some other random place? Part of the reason I am so lovestruck by The WIL is she embodies the time and place in my life I hold so dear; namely, Utah in the mid-2000’s. During that time and in that area I was at my best. I worked for a good company, I loved my job and was confident in my abilities. My time was spent helping people with death and dying, surrounded by the natural beauty of the mountains and enjoying the glorious changing of seasons. All the while I obsessively and intensely loved the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. Time is frozen when I think about the WIL and Utah. There, it is always spring and she is forever young. But if she were to leave would the spell be broken? Would she lose the forever magic in my heart? Going someplace different would remove her from cherished memories. Time would cease to stand still and she would no longer have eternal youth. She would be like me; someone who has aged, a person that struggles with work and parenting, all while feeling life is slipping slowly into irrelevance. Utah is special because she is there. And subsequently, she is ethereal because she lives in Utah. It is a similar situation with my daughter and Orange County, but with a slight variation. Orange County is not so perfect as much as my daughter makes it so. I lived in Orange County for nine years. Personally and professionally it was awful. I could not keep steady employment, I was depressed (mostly from missing the WIL) and I could never get ahead financially. Yet, I still go back and I still enjoy the area because my daughter is there. But if my wife left Orange County (which for many reasons I think she should) I would not be sad. I would welcome the opportunity to start a new life and be close to my daughter. I guess, in the end, I love two places and two women for two different reasons. One because of what it once was and the other because of what it is right now. That being said, who knows, someday, under the right circumstances, I will be writing about how amazing a random place like Ohio is if a certain woman or two lived there.

Thursday night

7:44pm Thursday night. I became a chaplain again. Getting ready for survey. One of the staff chaplains is on leave. To have back up coverage i will add the chaplain job description and competencies to my personnel file. And just like that I have a job as a prn chaplain. Just like that I can update my resume. Just like that I can get out of the fucking hell I have been in for over a decade.

Thursday morning

5:46am Thursday morning. My dreams were filled with thoughts of running away, starting over, going some place new and feeling reborn. Memories of childhood flashed through my mind and tears welled in my eyes. Why is it so hard to find peace? Where can I go to feel contentment? To feel the storm inside me calm even if just for a moment?

Thursday morning

5:29am I got up this morning feeling tired. I put on my clothes and took a walk. As I walked under dim streetlights I asked a question; What would I think if I were dropped into this life with no pretext? I am a hospice director in Phoenix with my family living in California. Would I be surprised by the job? Disappointed I am not with my family? I imagine myself creative. A writer, actor, musician. why do I not do that as my “job?” I have a wife and a daughter. Aren’t I lonely being apart from them?