Bittersweet Arizona

6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday evening, November 10, 2022. Heading to Arizona tomorrow after work. Originally I was going to leave at eleven, then the clinical manager needed time off. So I pushed it to three. I don’t mind staying but that is 4pm mountain time. Most of the drive will be in the dark. This weekend will be bittersweet. My friend arrives on Tuesday so this is the last week I have the apartment to myself. I will miss some things about Arizona but overall, I am ready to move on.

Time and place

12:22pm Sunday afternoon, pumping gas. Had a thought, needed to write down. Every time has a place. Being the chaplain, living by the harbor, traveling for work as a sales manager. Those were beautiful times. But only when I finally leave and find context can I truly appreciate them.

Count time

My biggest goals in life were counting time and collecting money. Waiting for a finish line I called retirement.

At that point I would count up all the money I made, set a budget for a lifestyle and depending on how lavish I could live I would determine if I ‘won’ or not.

Time and desire

It is 5:57pm in a Monday night. I could/can work on coaching the next three or four hours. I have the time and desire.

Weird

I go into this weird state where I have energy, time to do stuff but I get all pissy and anxious and end up just stewing. Sometimes I don’t have any energy and other times I can’t properly direct it. How do I get it flowing and growing?