11:25am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Sunday morning, April 10, 2022. The usual Sunday anxiety is bad today, even more so than usual. No matter what I do there is no respite. Ironically, that has made me productive. I worked on my personal expenses, then filled out an application for ecclesiastical endorsement in preparation for pursuing Chaplain work. After that I cleaned the house a little. There is nothing to feel bad about, so why do I feel anxious? It is easy to blame the stress at work but, honestly, that isn’t the issue. Maybe there is no explanation. In the end, some day of the week has to be the worst, might as well be Sunday.
Tag: walk
I am sick of the stress
7:55pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Friday night, April 8, 2022. Going for a walk right after I wake up is therapeutic. The physical exercise and quality alone time contribute to what I consider my greatest happiness; enjoying solitude in the pre-dawn dark, sifting through treasured memories and anticipating a future yet to be lived. On a really good day, when I am reviewing familiar musings, my spirit soars and I feel contentment. The trick is to see how long I can stay in that joy until negativity pierces the cocoon. Once that happens everyday garbage floods my thoughts. Then the effect is ruined until I can wake up the next day and do the whole routine again. Often, I think back to when I was a chaplain. The job was demanding but, there was enough down time to stay in prolonged moments of bliss. The job I have now violently destroys the very things that make me happy. I am sick of the stress. I don’t want to spend every morning dreading what I have become.
Captaining this particular ship
5:47am, in parking lot, Laguna Niguel, California, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. The dog and I are in the car outside a random office building in Laguna Niguel. We are killing time because the coffee shop up the street doesn’t open until 6am. It is so quiet at this time of day. The sky is dark, birds are singing and there aren’t any other people around. We are here because we got up earlier than usual this morning, which, in a way, was my fault. I fell asleep early, which made her last bathroom break just before 8pm. By 3:30am she whined to be let out of the kennel so I got up and got dressed for our morning walk. The fact is I was already awake at 3:30am because I was thinking about work. The month of April is going to suck. There is too much left undone, financials that look terrible and, in a couple of weeks, a mock survey which will create thousand more things to worry about. I am not giving up but, right now I am starting to feel, one way or the other, I won’t be captaining this particular ship very much longer.
Another morning tomorrow
5:29am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, March 24, 2022. If everything about my time in Arizona was to end tomorrow I would miss mornings the most; going for a walk in the neighboring subdivision, listening to 80’s Hair metal and watching sports talk television while working out, then coming back to the apartment to catch the weather and drink coffee. What I do at my job is in many ways irrelevant to my memories. It is just something I do to take up 10 hours of time so I can get one step closer to another morning tomorrow.
Sunday afternoon
4:29pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, February 6, 2022. The walk this morning was cold but invigorating, followed by a decent workout session at the apartment complex gym. Later this afternoon a short drive cleared my mind before I took another walk. There is a new movie on one of the streaming services and pasta cooking inthe microwave. Bed time will be early tonight.
What I did today
4:56pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, January 16, 2022. I woke up at 5:30am, went for a walk, then came home to drink coffee and catch up on the news/weather. I lounged around until 2pm before working out at the apartment complex gym. After that I went grocery shopping. Now I am occasionally checking the football game and watching a show on Netflix.
New Years Day
9:16am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday, January 01, 2022, New Years Day. My family goes back to Orange County today. They planned on leaving at nine but are still asleep. I don’t blame them, we are all tired from staying up late last night. The dog and I went for a walk at six, then drove down the block to fill the car with gas before having coffee and breakfast. I feel weird right now; emotionally indifferent, with no ambition. What do I look forward to this coming year? There is no overarching plan, and that makes me nervous.
Morning, Monday December 27, 2021
8:41am, in my office, Phoenix, AZ, Monday morning, December 27, 2021. The apartment is filled with people so I am happy. It is different waking up to a full house. When they are here life is peaceful. I get up later, take the dog for a walk and enjoy the morning sunrise. I wish everyday could be this simple. Mom flies home tomorrow, which makes me sad. I miss having her here when she is gone. Everyone else is staying until New Year’s Day, then it is back to the usual emptiness. The patient from the weekend is still at the hospital and we had another patient transfer. I am frustrated at work. I feel the results do not match the effort we are giving.
December 26, 2021 update
8:32am, in a hotel room, Valencia, CA, Sunday morning, December 26, 2021. Last night ended up being longer than expected. The patient who fell was transported to the hospital before our nurse arrived. The community did not have an update to share this morning so I slept until 6 before taking the dog on my favorite walk. After that, my daughter and I ate breakfast in the lobby with grandma before my wife got dressed and joined us.
How I spent my Saturday morning
8:04am, in my apartment, chandler Arizona, Saturday morning, December 4, 2021. Woke up at 4am. Went for a walk, went to the gym at the complex and worked out. Watched television, drank coffee, had a protein bar. Then I took out the trash, unboxed some new shoes, loaded the dishwasher, wiped down the counters and put things away. Going to get out the Christmas decorations and stream Christmas music. 9:18am, got everything out and put up decorations. Time to take a break. Side note: for the past year I kept a plastic box On my balcony I assumed held an escape ladder. I opened it and realized it was just some pieces of a ladder we threw out a decade ago. Glad I didn’t discover that when there was an actual fire. Side note x 2: go buy an escape ladder
12:12pm being lazy, watched some television, took a nap, snacking/grazing, on string cheese, salami, salad, peanuts, crackers, Doritos and coke. I am going to post this now.
mikemeyer949 