Tag: work stress

Back in Arizona

7:45 pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday evening. I am back in Arizona after a weekend in Orange County. I got a late start this morning and hit traffic just outside the city so it was dark when I arrived back at my apartment. After eating dinner and unpacking the car I started a load of wash and put away groceries. Now I am checking emails and charging my phones. I plan on going to bed early to get rested for tomorrow. This will be the last week corporate support people will be at the office Monday through Friday. I appreciate the help but it is stressful having to explain everything and learn new systems.

stress

5:37am, Thursday, apartment, Arizona. I woke up this morning in a panic. My chest was heavy and I couldn’t catch my breath. I stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face while taking deep breaths. After a minute I felt calmer but it was frightening. Everyday the stress seems heavier and work more frustrating. I am tired of problems that never resolve, tasks that are not completed and excuses that are implausible. This causes me to examine so much about life; maybe I am not cut out for leadership, perhaps I should work for a different company, or is it a matter of making changes in key positions? Whatever the case the issues must be addressed before I cause myself serious harm.

Catalytic

8:30am at the office in Arizona. One of the employees had the catalytic converter stolen from her car yesterday afternoon. The thief crawled underneath her vehicle and dismantled the exhaust system. Upon starting the engine she knew something was wrong, it sounded awful, as you would suspect when the exhaust system is broken. She came back into the office distraught. I calmed her down and gave her a ride home. Her step dad brought her to work this morning and is taking care of the situation. It is an older car. I suspect after filing a police report and insurance claim the vehicle will be totaled out. It got me thinking about life. How the car was productive for years; Driving to work, taking vacations, running errands. Then, in an instant, the value is stolen by an unknown stranger. Life is fragile. Things change quickly and your value can diminish overnight.

Jobs

6:14am Arizona, home. I realize I don’t like sales jobs. I don’t apply for them any more. I don’t like operations jobs either. Yet I am enticed by the money they pay and the challenge of getting a job. I need to be disciplined and have stability. Be a chaplain and find my thrills some other way than getting jobs I don’t like.

Rhythm

9:57am Monday, at work l. The week has a rhythm. Sunday at 2pm energy drops low and contours to go down throughout the evening. Monday morning is still low. Then there is a slight perk up as the day begins and evening comes. I survived the first day. But that energy is short lived. Tuesday comes like a second Monday. Wednesday feels heavy but picks up after lunch. By Wednesday evening I can see the finish line. Thursday is filled with anticipation. Friday is wonderful. Saturday is a time of enjoyment and Sunday morning is peaceful. Then it all starts again. I look to read the most on Sunday evening. I want commiseration.

Frustrating

8:24am Thursday. The calls come in first thing in the morning. Angry family members, disappointed referral sources. They have expectations for service and they cannot be met. There is not enough staff. We have stopped bringing on clients and the census is going down but it is still too much for those that are trying to provide care.

The Auditor

6:08am Thursday morning. At that point the auditor came in. It had been rumored she was difficult to get along with and not very well liked. But when you talk with her she appears pleasant and accommodating. She singled me out because I was the director. I listened to what she had to say and dutifully answered her questions. I found her pleasant enough and had no reason to question her sincerity. Her name was Joyce. She wore a black silk face covering over her mouth and nose, which made me notice her hazel eyes and red hair. She had on a green pant suit and was pulling a computer bag behind her. After getting seated in the conference room she began to set up her computer for the audit.

Wednesday night

8:08pm Wednesday night. I was distracted at work today. The morning dragged so I went home and took a nap for a couple hours. When I returned I had messages waiting for me. That got me focused. I worked hard all afternoon and came home exhausted, yet happy. I had been productive. I ate dinner and watched a movie before going to bed.