Tag: Work

A difficult decision to be made

5:53pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday evening, February 22, 2022. This morning was busy with back to back meetings. The afternoon was slower so I caught up on overdue assignments. Tomorrow I fly to a job interview in Orange County. The choice to stay in Arizona or go back to California looms large. Either way a difficult decision will need to be made.

Desperate by my own design

7:04pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday evening, February 15, 2022. The thought of formally submitting 60 day notice to vacate the Arizona apartment crossed my mind this morning. However, I decided to hold off; if I put myself in a position where I needed to move by May I would become desperate by my own design. Right now I am under no pressure to accept any job offer unless the pay is substantially higher. The job here in Arizona is stable(ish?), the apartment is cheaper than anything in Orange County and the company is far better than the one out there. If they can’t raise my pay there is no reason to take their job. I want to be close to my daughter but I am not desperate and I refuse to arbitrarily make myself so.

Valentine’s Day 2022

6:16pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday evening, February 14, 2022, Valentine’s Day. Two tuna salad sandwiches leftover from yesterday was Valentine’s dinner this evening. Not very glamorous, but still pretty delicious. I was extra hungry by the time I ate because a nurse on the night shift needed help setting up patient transports. I spent an hour walking her through it over the phone. After that things quieted down. Now I am on the couch watching a show before bed. I am so glad the day is over. There was a lot of anxiety in the office this afternoon. Not for any particular reason, everyone is just exhausted from constant change, myself included.

Sunday morning activities

7:28am, apartment in Dana Point, California, Sunday morning, February 13, 2022. Adverse symptoms from the cold I caught two weeks ago are still present, which is frustrating. Having a stuffy nose and persistent headache makes enjoying activities difficult. I can take cold medicine but too much of it makes me tired and slows me down. This morning the dog and I did our usual walk followed by a trip to the store to buy Valentine’s Day treats for everyone. I will leave for Arizona around ten and get in by 5:30pm. This week is busy at work with payroll tomorrow morning followed by a 3 day mock survey. Thursday night I am leaving work early to come back to Dana Point. The following week I fly in Wednesday morning for an interview with the Southern California hospice company. Unless something drastic changes my mind I will take that job and move back to Orange County around the end of March, beginning of April.

Sometimes life blows

6:35pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday night, February 10, 2022. Two senior leaders from Southern California called this afternoon. They wanted to discuss a position similar to what I am doing now. That annoyed me. The recruiter I had been talking with said the call was for a regional role. I can’t tell if she lied or was misled herself. Either way, I felt a little deceived and a lot let down. But the call wasn’t all bad, the job has some strong selling points: the pay is pretty high for the position, there is more responsibility and most importantly, I can move back to Orange County. That gives me mixed emotions: as a father I am filled with joy. I can go home and be close to my daughter. However, career wise, taking the job would be suicide. Companies like this churn middle management every day, especially in Orange County. I keep asking myself what should I do? Go back for a job destined to fail or stay in Phoenix and miss my daughters teen years? Either decision leaves something to be desired. It’s as if no matter what I choose a great big sucking heartbreaking hole opens in the middle of my chest, leaving me with no possibility of happiness. Sometimes life blows.

Crush my own soul

5:52pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Wednesday evening, February 9, 2022. The meeting with senior leadership was this afternoon. Nothing too groundbreaking got discussed beyond typical corporate talking points: 1. How can we help you? 2. You know we are here to support you, right? 3. Why aren’t you making more money?” Toward the end I said something about marketing strategy. The senior VP replied with a different take. Afterwards she moved on and likely forgot the whole exchange. I on the other hand have heaped torrents of abusive self-talk all over my psyche for three straight hours, chastising myself over and over for being stupid, for not thinking before I speak and for making myself look ignorant. It really is over the top and way too much for something so minor. Yet I can’t stop. Sometimes I swear I deliberately try to crush my own soul, just to see how sick I can get.

Not with this outfit

6:20pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday night, February 8, 2022. Had a call set up with the COO a Southern California company at four today but it was rescheduled at the last minute. We both were too busy. The recruiter thought it might cause problems but I don’t want to work for someone thats not flexible. Besides, he already rescheduled twice. The possibility of relocating back to Orange County is still available, but optimism is not high at the moment. At least not with this outfit.

Few people enjoy work right now

6:09pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday night, February 7, 2022. The girls in the office were happy this see me this morning. I was happy too. Not from being at the office so much as just being appreciated. We are busy, there is a lot that needs to get done; procedures to implement and problems to address. For the most part nothing catastrophic has occurred but time will tell if that holds true. Pressure to grow the census in the midst of integration has overwhelmed us. Few people enjoy work right now, myself included.

Saturday updates

4:25pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday afternoon, February 5, 2022. Updates from earlier in this week: The second covid test was negative, which was a relief. After the urgent care visit and trip to the pharmacy I have some prescriptions. Steroids and cough suppressant have helped, but haven’t conquered the feeling of being run down. Travel to Orange County did not happen this weekend. Work was frustrating and the recruitment call resulted in a phone interview this coming Tuesday for a regional job in Southern California.