8:42am, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Wednesday morning, December 08, 2021. How should I approach the day? Do I want to survive work with minimal effort and indulgent distractions? Perhaps discover a brand new life altering adventure? Maybe I could fall in love or just run some errands? What if I took a long lunch and a peaceful nap? There are so many possibilities. Of course the most practical option is to invest in work and be productive. That is the most boring choice of all.
Tag: Work
I think I feel guilty
6:58pm, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday night, December 07, 2021. Accessing the computer system at work requires a security app for remote verification on a personal device. I instructed the new employee what to download and made small talk while it installed. When a minute had passed she scrolled through the many apps cluttering her screen until she got to the last page. There, her finger hesitated over the familiar red tile of a popular dating app. We both froze and acted awkward until I looked away and pretended not to notice. Then, as if unsure what to do next, she shuffled it out of sight. We completed the set up and moved on. The whole exchange lasted less than two seconds and was quickly forgotten. I kind of feel guilty about it, but to be honest, I am not entirely sure why.
The energy was positive and good
4:16pm, in my office, Phoenix Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, December 7, 2021. Most of the nursing staff came to the office this morning for training. We gathered around the conference table to learn and share breakfast. Afterwards the office staff joined us along with two new hires (for pre-employment drug screens) The energy was positive and good. I liked seeing everyone and being together.
Is this weird?
5:56pm, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday evening, December 06, 2021. I have to share something I find disconcerting, please tell me what you think. In an attempt to save money the company I work for has us collect pre-employment drug screen urine samples in the office. That means the social worker I hired, who is female, will come to the office for the soul purpose of peeing. It will be the first time we meet face-to-face. I am to walk her to the bathroom and stand outside so she can do her thing. When she comes out she is to hand me her pee so I can ship it to an out-of-state lab. I have to ask: Is that weird? It feels extremely weird. For both of us. I bribed an assistant with free breakfast tomorrow to collect the sample.
Am I too soft on people?
11:56am, in my office, Phoenix, Monday morning (almost afternoon), December 06, 2021. There is a narrative that I am a soft leader and easily taken advantage of. It started when a colleague visited and noted issues with scheduling. I am inclined to get defensive, place blame elsewhere, make excuses, but that isn’t helpful. I need to learn and grow, which can be a difficult process. I of course am disappointed but will persevere. You know, years ago I envisioned facing challenge and finding success. I guess I never considered what challenging myself and finding failure/hardship would look like.
Almost a chaplain again
4:58pm, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, December 05, 2021. My phone pinged when I got back from an afternoon walk. The on-call nurse asked me to give her a call. A patient’s family requested a chaplain visit and she couldn’t get a hold of anyone. I told her to give the chaplains time to respond and if neither did I would see the patient. One of them called back just as I was heading out. I was almost a hospice chaplain again.
Living in the future is a downer
9:01am, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Friday morning, December 3, 2021. Driving to work today felt like a Monday. That was a bummer because Friday morning usually means being in a good mood, listening to music and looking forward to some free time. But this Friday has been different. First, work has felt exhausting with drama and problems. Too many things have not gone to plan or people have not stepped up. It makes me feel disheartened. Second, this is the first weekend I will be alone since I last drank alcohol October 24, 2021. I typically don’t do well on weekends I don’t drink. Physically I don’t miss alcohol, but not drinking creates unintended issues. In the past I spent hours looking forward to having a drink, then another couple of hours actually drinking and subsequently a day or two nursing a hangover from having a drink (or 6). Now I am worried I will spend the time sitting around my apartment feeling anxious and bored. We will see how it goes. Maybe it won’t be so bad. On a side note, I have come to realize living in the future is a lot less fun than dreaming about the future. When I was younger I filled my time fantasizing about what I would accomplish, who I would meet and interact with, where I would live, what car I would drive and how much money I would make. Then around my mid-thirties it became obvious I better get to work if I wanted to make those dreams actually come true. That is the same time life became less exciting. Dreaming about a big magnificent future is like running up your credit cards. Actually having to go and make your dreams happen is like paying the bills. The first part is where all the excitement is, the second part is kind of a downer.
Disappointed and frustrated
6:41pm, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, evening of Thursday, December 2, 2021. Work was long today. One of our nurses had a personal issue to address. She is a hard worker and compassionate soul dealing with a tough situation. Another nurse begrudgingly offered to cover some triage time for her. This nurse is the opposite of the first nurse. She is not compassionate in the least and surly. An admission came in that needed to be covered. The second nurse refused to do the admission then said she wouldn’t cover the shift at all. Simply because we asked her to do the admission. Not only did she let down the organization and a coworker but a patient and family in need (the patient was coming out of the hospital with a new cancer diagnosis) my clinical director is working with staff at the community where the patient resides to make sure she is alright for tonight but the experience has left me (and my team) disappointed and frustrated. I am addressing the issue with Human Resources tomorrow but for tonight I will just be upset.
Updates
3:40pm, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Wednesday, December 1, 2021. Some updates: My mom flew back to Utah/Wyoming this morning. It was a nice visit. She is going to come out again for Christmas. My daughter texted me yesterday saying she had a bad day. She didn’t respond when I tried to find out what happened but apparently the principal said she has to make up time she missed while out “sick” back in September (not sure what that means but it is probably close to a week!) My wife had big meetings at her job yesterday and last night. She is still in meetings today so I haven’t gotten details. The CEO flew in from England to meet with her. For me, I got my COVID vaccine booster shot yesterday and I am dragging ass today.
Ugh
2:13pm, in my office, South Phoenix, Tuesday Afternoon. Here is a quote from a post yesterday: “The office girl that was out for two weeks with covid came back. She said she had a negative test but she sounds awful.” Update: She just found out she is actually COVID positive.
mikemeyer949 